Quote:
Milhouse to Bart: “How come you get a social worker? I’m the one with stigmata.”
I am 36-24-36
I’m posting the following stats not to be pompous or boastful, but because I’m excited about the amount of traffic this place has generated lately. Final stats for last week were: 92 eProps, 51 comments, and 8 new subscriptions. From here on out, my life of Xanga is downhill - I doubt many weeks will ever top this one. Thanks again to everyone who commented and eProped.
Scientific studies have shown men find women with a hip to waist ratio of .7 are the most attractive and .6 is found even more attractive, but is much more rare. Hence the ratio 24-36, because 24/36 = 2/3 = .66666
My Gettysburg Address
I’ve always wanted to give a speech. Especially a commencement speech. What better way to prepare myself for a future occassion than to practice now. The following is a commencement speech I’d love to give someday…
Hello.
There are a few things I’m legally obliged to say. These things must be said at all graduations, such as “congratulations,” “the future awaits you,” “look around you,” and “don’t mess up.” Every speaker must say these things whether he likes you or not.
I started this speech by saying “hello.” You should take time to learn the four most important phrases anyone can ever teach you. You know them very well already: “Hello“, “I’m Sorry“, “Please help me“, and “Thank You.”
No matter the situation, one of those lines is an appropriate first thing to say.
For instance:
“Please help me, I broke his priceless vase.”
“I’m sorry, I broke your priceless vase.”
I’m sorry, but now I must be serious.
“Congratulations” on getting this far. You know how to read, write, and do math. Those are the only useful things you know right now. Reading and writing are incredibly complex to learn, as is math. You’ve spent 13 years learning them. Continue to improve on them, whether by writing love letters to your significant other or by reading the newspaper or balancing your checkbook. “The future awaits you” and will be easier the better you are at reading, writing, and math.
“Look around you.” Seriously. The people you are with will never be assembled in such a way ever again. Today is the last day of this community, and tomorrow you will start making new communities. There will be gatherings, such as class reunions, but someone will miss out, someone will be dead by then.
Kurt Vonnegut wrote “A woman cannot be a society to a man, and a man cannot be a society for a woman.” He is defending a valid point: you need many people to support you. You cannot soley support someone nor can he or she support you. Rather you need an extended family or community.
The most important thing for a human to have is a community, because it lets them know they are not alone. You can become any number of wonderful things after today: a parent, an athlete, a lawyer, an architect, a minister, a teacher, an artist, etc… None of these is important without a community. The only thing you need to do after today to be sucessful is join a community.
The military is a community, religion is community, poker night is a community. Drugs provide a community, but it isn’t a good one. “Don’t mess up” and join a bad community. Extended family is a community. Community helps you be a better person, a better parent, a better husband or wife.
The nuclear family is just than: a nuclear explosion waiting to go off. Nuclear families, by definition, do not provide an extended family. But a nuclear family that joins a community makes up for any lack of extened family. Form a family. Join a community, no matter how small or trivial it seems. Especially if you move to a place where family is thin, such as a city. Growing up in a small town such as this is wonderful. If you get angry at your parents, you can go to your friend’s or your grandmother’s or your cousin’s down the road.
Choose your community well. Choose your spouse well. Teach your children to choose well. Those are the three things that will be with you forever or at least longer than anything else…if you choose well.
When you choose a community, make sure it has good values. Any good community will promote the following “You are not alone. Someone loves you. You will do bad things. Others will do bad things. Don’t hate each other for it. Karma will get you in the end.”
By the way, that is probably the shortest, most accurate paraphrasing of the Christian Bible ever, which is the core foundation of a wonderful community. Many of you are already part of that community.
I am not saying the only good communities in the world are Christian. Many people are atheist and many communities are secular. I am saying, the most honest of communities will recognize those six simple sentences.
Thank you for your attention.