“His decision to represent himself might have proved as disastrously unwise as his decision to shoot all those people.”

UPDATE:

Okay, so the photos are unavailable all day, which is dumb, so I will set them up at my other website when I get the chance. Until then, check the entire post out RIGHT HERE

Wedding and Glass

Please note if a picture isn’t showing up, it means the bandwidth for the photos has been eaten up at the moment. IE - come back later to see the pictures.

Last weekend I was a groomsmen in my cousin’s wedding. The only problem was the wedding was in the town of Norman. I felt like a dirty whore of babylon. It was wonderful (the wedding - not the dirty whore part), and the tux I wore was incredibly comfortable. When I put it on my uncle proclaimed “That is like putting a forty dollar saddle on a ten dollar horse.” The image is a little blurry - i checked the mirror just now to make sure I wasn’t naturally blurry.

Rebecca and Beth, two of my sisters, flew in for the wedding. Sunday before they left we went to the OKC Art Museum to see the Chilope(sp?) glass work, which is incredible. Which brings up a point: to be a famous artist you must have a name that is not simple, such as Smith, Bob, Charlie, or Buba… (or Jess?) The piece shown below is nine and a half feet tall and weighs 1500 lbs. The amazing thing is he blew all the glass with one breath.

If you liked the last one, try making a fifty five foot tower of blown glass. This pieces was beautiful with the sun pouring down on it. I had to lay on the floor beside it to get the whole thing in the photograph. “And there I, a dirty whore of babylon, lay on my back…”If one is going to be a whore, it is probably best to be extreme and take it all the way (not a sexual innuendo) and be a dirty whore. Who wants to be a clean whore? Wait…do they exist?

Rebecca and I started playing with our digital cameras and she took the photo at the top of this page. It is of me taking a picture of me. I’m standing behind a pane of glass taking a portrait of myself. Sounds vain. The picture I took of me is this one…

Busy, Busy, Busy

Last week and this week are incredibly crammed with action, roast beef, and adventure! Part of this includes getting to miss three days of classes (1 for a field trip and 2 for a confrence). So, I am leaving in about an hour for Arkansas. SWACURH - think of it as a leadership confrence - is being held there. This means I most likely won’t be online or xangaing until we arrive back Sunday night. Mourn our suffering as most of us at the confrence won’t be able to watch the bedlam game.

I was going to make this a funny post, but I didn’t really have the time. It was a nice change to write something that didn’t require nearly as much thought.

GO COWBOYS!.
Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

ps- TinGoddess, I threw very random bolding in for your entertainment.

Where in the World is my Xanga?

Gumshoes, an elusive Xangan has stolen my webpage layout? Can you find out who it is? Hint: he is in the list of sites I read. Actually, I was flattered by it and glad he gave me credit. What a great guy, be sure to compliment him on his fine choice of theft!

“Frustrated Young Men”

The anticipated release of John O’Briens short stories has been released in book format. I purchased this book and was even able to obtain an autographed copy. I haven’t blazed through it, but rather I’ve been savoring the pages. If any of you are interested it can be purchased online a PulpLit.com. It is also available from Amazon.com apparently.

I highly recommend it.

Random Brain Thoughts

In my last conversation with Reese, he was reminding me of a dog he once had named “Scrath N’ Sniff.”

Xin is when you commit a Xanga Sin

Cafeteria Food is the Mediocrity of Life.

Wouldn’t it be weird if computer monitors and televisions blinked at random intervals? I would finally be able to win a staring contest with the monitor. It is 10 to 0 right now. Especially if when they blinked a little squishy sound accompanied it.

The new iPod Commercial is wonderful. Silhouettes dancing around celebrating the existance of iPod. Speaking of which. I am entering a contest to win an iPod. So, stop by the OSU Student Union and vote for my pictures, which will be up thursday. On a train of thought about gifts (I was thinking the wisemen should have taken Jesus and iPod) - they think gold, frankincens, and myrrh were actually all Frankensence, because Frankenscence came in many different varietes - of which two are named Gold and Myhr…or something to the effect.

Ever notice on car commercials it says “Closed course. Professional Driver.”
I want to see “Public Street. Blind Folded Driver.”

popE-mail

Angelita Abbott wants to help “add 3+ inches today” without having to take pills!!! Either she is selling an attachment that somehow clamps, screws on, or sheaths the private or she is offering a hand job to make a limp dick an erect dick.

Speaking of which, at the intermural soccer game tonight I saved a shot by stopping it with my privates. I continued playing too. It hurt.

Customer Service is offering viagra (i think they work in conjunction with Angelita Abbott to give life to those 3+ inches I’ll add today) and other pills at discount prices to help me lose weight and stop smoking.

An Answer to the Chaffing Boxers! Frederick’s is giving me not one, not two, but SEVEN pairs of free panties. We are not talking normal underwear. We are talking about SEVEN pairs of free SEXY panties offered in a variety of colors: red, purple, and turqouise (from the picture it looks turqouise).

The best part, is at the buttom of this e-mail it says… “You are receiving this message as an opt-in subscriber to Someonelikesyou.com. Your privacy is extremely important to us. If you don’t want to receive any more of these offers, click here.” In other words - your privacy is so important, we were forced to make a profit by selling it to another corporation who doesn’t give a damn about your privacy.

If only someone out there could help me take a second mortgage out on my home?

My prayer has been asnwered by Mr. A. Underwood! Who has kindly sent me an unsolicited e-mail offering me the interest rates of a life time. Forget Xanga tonight, I’m making over my life!

Updated: Friday night I came back and drove Kylie and Dover to Short Cakes. Afterwards we went to Dover’s place, where the Watermelon scented candle was too tempting. I discovered it does not taste as good as it smells.

Requiem for a Dream

I didn’t know I had this movie, so I started watching it. Wow. Talk about a well done movie on why you shouldn’t use drugs. I am now positive I will never get addicted to drugs.

Well, I’ve been too busy to post lately, which sucks because I’m trying to get back in the routine of posting two or three times a week. But I don’t think that is going to happen. Let us hope this turns into a quality over quantity type of blog.

Forget the Courtesy Flush

We all know the importance of the courtesy flush. I am willing to scrap the importance of the courtesy flush though in exchange for a finishing flush. My roommate Andrew has developed an non-flushing complex. The only yellow thing I want to see when I wake is the sun breaking through the window, not a toilet bowl of piss.

Friday night…

“We went to a box match and a hockey game broke out..”

…as Nick, Reese’s brother, stated in. Reese, Tasaha, Nick, and I went to the Oklahoma City Blazers opening hockey game. They played the Memphis River Kings, but some clever fans had changed the spellin to “River Queens.” The sign holders were quite proud of themselves.

In the first period there were 8 fights. Maybe a few more, which is what lead Nick to the wonderful quote used for a title. Nick, a skinny 14 year old boy, yelled at the River Queen goalie a lot… “Hey, Goalie! You suck!” In fact, he yelled enough the goalie would turn around and look at stare at him… sersiouly, we were only a few seats behind him.

This brings up a new set of stats that should be kept in hockey games. The score board should be expanded to show the new set of sub scores, such as fights, cussing, bleeding, etc… that will now be used to determine all ties.

The Blazers eventually lost 4 to 3, but when it was in their favor at 3 to 1, Nick broke the rule of “the fewer the syllables the better the phrase is to yell” when he yelled to the River Queen Goalie…

“Your Goal Keeping Is Inadequate!”

Saturday I skipped homecoming and went home… only to find out my parents had gone to Kansas City. Thankfully mom had given me a new house key last time she was up. I picked Crystal up (we hadn’t seen each other in almost three months) and joined the ranks of Reese, Tasha, and Nick in OKC for ice skating. We went to the rink near Cross Roads Mall. We were practically the only people there.

Since the rink management didn’t care what was going on (the people in charge were throwing snowballs of ice at each other) we figured we could have some Reese and Seth style olypmics… who can skate from point A to point B and slide on their ass the farthest.

Reese won.

We did timed laps too… I did horrible because that damn testosterone was trying to make me impress Crystal. Before we left Crystal and I played a round of air hockey. My goal keeping was inadequate… she won 8 to 6.

Capitalistic Genius

Only in a nation as great as America could a product as great as Fun Dips be successfully marketed for hundrers of years. Originally created by the Pilgrims after landing on the Big Rocky Candy Mountain near Plymouth, the Fun Dip has become a staple in the diet of junior high baseball game attendees for centuries.

Crystal had Fun Dips on the way home. I’m not sure about you all, but I haven’t had those since junior high baseball games in the summer. I haven’t sniffed some up my nose since Chris Shockley dared me to in sixth grade. For the record, it burns.

Obscene Creature

I brought my Sock Monkey back up from home (along with other things…. and no, i didn’t go home only to bring back a stuffed animal. he isn’t stuffed… he is real). When I walked in last night he was boozed up. Here is a picture of the scene.

Apparently he used my car and drivers license to make the purchase. I’d have been pissed off, but damn if he didn’t get me a great parking spot right in front of Jones. I’d love to have seen how he at one and a half feet managed to shift the car while driving.

Visa Man is Shopping In Your Direction

On the way to dinner I was offered the chance of a lifetime: I could sell my soul to the Visa corporation for a t-shirt, a phone card, and a genuine pair of Oakley glasses.

Marketing Whore: “You want a free T-Shirt?”
Me: “I have plenty of shirts.”
Marketing Whore: “You want a phone card?”
Me: “I don’t use the phone.”

I feel I may have missed out though, because the t-shirts all had really funny one liners on them. The clever lines such as “F.B.I. - Female Body Inspector.” The shirt surely would guarantee me an evening of ecstacy with the next hot college chic I met. Gee, I could have been back in seventh grade again… dumb shirt and wearing sun glasses, by a manufacturer no one cares about.

After coming back, I sat down to watch a little Comedy Central. Commercial America is amazing. Did you know the Moen Corporation, famous for their home plumbing accessories, had a new pull down kitchen pulldown faucet? If you want to water your plants - as demonstrated in the commercial - all you have to do is pull down on the faucet and it extends! This is useful because we all keep our house plants three feet from the kitchen sink.

“But this is HDTV, it has better resolution than real life.”

“You forget every mission I command is a suicide mission.”

Multiple Orgasms

Today I sneezed in the library and someone “ssshed” me. Sorry, but my nose doesn’t have a mute button. Ever notice how quickly your nose reloads? The second you blow a load of defunct T-cells out your nose, you sinuses have reloaded you again. Crazy! We are a population of fully automatic noses.

Don’t worry, I’m getting to the orgasm part of the story.

I think it is a practical joke, because what we all really want is fully automatic orgasms. Instead, women have the guns of the Navarone, which can go off several times in a row but are never used more than once in a battle if they are even fired at all. And every man is sure if he were general he could fire the damn thing fifteen times in a row.

Men… well, we are about as advanced as civil war rifles. Half the time it goes off when you didn’t want to, the other half of the time nothing happens, the accuracy is below normal, if it hits you in the eye, you are blinded, it takes forever to reload, and there is the fifteen minute “leave it alone period.” And every man is sure he is a gatlin gun.

Tyler, a friend of mine, claims that if both partners cough, sneeze, and orgasm at the same time it is an “ultimate orgasm” guaranteed to fire off every gun in battle at once in a massive, earth shattering orgasm. Okay, most couples have a terrifically terrible time orgasming (that sounds funny - say it outloud) at the same time, so there is no way in hell two people could sneeze, cough, and orgasm at the same time.

I should have put this whole section in bold.

Cliched

Everything truthful sounds cliched.

An Away Mistake

I’m never around to clean the bathroom or do the dishes, so having no homework last night I decided to pull my weight. Mistakenly, I left an away message up staying I was washing the dishes. How many barefoot and in the kitchen jokes are there? 753 to be exact, according to the number of messages people sent me.

Anyways, the physics test monday went well. Either I knew everything going on making it incredibly easy. Or I had no clue as to what was going on, and flunked it. I’m hoping it was the first possibility. People always talk about “grade inflation.” Well, as I see none of it, I think there should be a movement for greater grade inflation.

I got my architecture grade back for our second project and was disappointed. A 78. One should remember the Critical Analysis project is the worst project ever conveiced of. Boring, long, and not rewarding (a 78 does not count as rewarding) - the project must have been concieved of when Satan bought the soul of an architecture crit.

Hentai

Ever heard of Hentai? Let me explain it to you. You’d think to most people nothing could be better than downloading and jacking off to lusty pornography of hot women and their exploited female friends performing all varieties of amazing sexual positions? You’d be right. Except we live in a sick world.

A sick world world where some people find it better to jerk off to naked anime cartoons. What kind of sick person jerks off to cell animzation of people who don’t exist? Probably the same people who don’t realize the majority of Hentai technically qualifies as child pornography.

Wow, we should all jump on the band wagon. What could be better than jerking off to imaginary people who have purple hair and are build like nine year olds? ANYTHING! Some people out there are sitting in front of a computer with the largest collection of technology and information ever in the history of mankind at their finger tips, and they choose to download cartoon pornography.

These must be the same people who can’t get dates. They are also blessed with being the only people who can’t find real pornography on the internet… which is insanse, considering the number of popup adds and junk e-mails that arrive in million of inboxes everyday with subject lines of “Me jennifyeyer. I be naked. Cum c.“