Quote:
“Hey, are you staying late tonight?” - For most majors a late night would mean 2am. This was a conversation held in architecture at 2am.

On The Subject of Sleep

“Sotired” should be a new word. It is a measure of how tired one is. Note: Sotired is exponentially greater than “so tired.”

The Picaso of Crayola

Picaso may have painted (and he even did dishware at one point - it is crazy). He actually made a plate that had a brocoli person on it. Anyways, I bought a package of Crayola Crayons to make refridgerator art for our place and for others. I am doing them in a limited pallette of 8 colors and with my left hand to make them feel little kid-ish. This is being done in a complete spirit of fun, inspired by Kierra, my niece who made the adorable owl in the previous post. Feel free to send requests.

Crayons often bring to mind the image of those huge mechanical beasts known as tanks. The kind used to surpress human rights of third class citizens in China. There should be a rental company that rents out tanks, that way people won’t have to pay extra for insurance. No matter how bad the driver, the tank will come back in one piece. You could hold your own revolution for only dollars a day (not including gas, mileage, and over-mileage. please see smaller invisible print for more details). And for $20 a pop one could buy “Anti Traffic Jam Devices” also known as bullet pierce high velocity explosive ammunition in uranium depleted shells. Guarantees to kill the target and kill you via radioactive exposure causing cancer.

Accelerate This

There is a commercial where a family is watching TV and the satellite goes out. The daughter runs up the stairs out on to the roof. Then she pulls a SEXTANT out of her pocket and uses it to align the satellite dish. Then it says “NAVY: Accelerate Your Life.”

I think this commercial does several things. First, it makes you wonder “who in the hell carries a sextant and knows how to use it“? Second, did she memorize the exact coordinates of the satellite? Third, I think the commercial might come across to some as “You have to be the smart to get into the Navy.”

She should kick the satellite dish. That seems more like the intelligence level of a Navy recruit. Right now, thousands of people out there are saying “I’m not smart enough to get into the Navy according to this commercial.”

It seems more like an ad for MENSA than for the Navy.

Circle My Unit

The NASA channel had a really great series on about the Unit Circle. Seriously, it had wonderful animations of all the trig laws and then later worked into simple Calculus. And no, I don’t have a sextant.

The Death of Sarcasm

Sarcasm, the only good reason to get the O’Colly…(well, the only good reason to read the O’Colly. You could always use it to line liter boxes, which would be a good reason to get it)… has ended after 100 strips. We lived on the same floor as Zach, the illustrator of Sarcasm, last year. He looks exactly like the main person in Sarcasm, and his wife really does look like a two dimensional drawing…just kidding.

Couch Rules

Here are my thoughts on what to do when watching a movie with a girl.
1.) Always sit on the side farthest from the TV.

Quote:
“A snake bite kit is a body bag.”

Quote:
Nick: going to your mother’s back in a min.

Quotes:
“My sister is dumb. I feel good about that.”
- Chase

“If you don’t love her, cover.”
- Quote from guy sitting behind me in the Matrix: Revolution.

“A whole new E.R. thursday.”
- NBC Commercial as though you would ever hear “Half of a new E.R. followed by half of an old E.R.” Like the show Friends, ER has been horrible (very far from roastbeef) for the past four or five seasons. Therefore, two halves of two sucky episodes would be better than two bad episodes.

Random Moments

Stephanie and I had a chance to chat the other day. It was snowing in minneapolis. Go leave comments on her page about how selfish she is for not sending half of the snow down here. Forget criminal exchange programs (do they have those? it would be like foreign exchange students…i should patent that idea), how about weather exchange programs.

The HEN, a classification of Russian nuclear submarines, is named after the first three russian nuclear subs of the type: The Hotel, Echo, and November.

Women are the most beautiful beings. Don’t get surgery. You are beautiful the way you are. It is gross to see women on tv with enhanced size 6666ddddddddddd breast jobs. Be happy with yourself. And if you are naturally a 6666ddddddddddd size, then be happy with that. If you are a -6666ddddddddddd, then be happy with that.

Logic

Other people decrease your worth proved through undeniable logic, for I am a logic ninja… Prepare to be blown away by logic…woosh (that is a ninja attack sound)…

Initial Statement: A Picture is worth a thousand words.

A photograph of yourself is worth: a thousand words.
1000 words divided by one person = 1000 words per person.

A photograph of you and your significant other is worth: a thousand words.
1000 words divided by two people = 500 words per person.

Matrix: Retitled

Wednesday Kai and I headed to the amazing stillwater cinema spectactica to watch the unamazing anticlimactica Matrixa. The quality of the Matrix is inversely proportional to the number of the sequel.

During the previews Kai would lean over and whisper comments about each preview. Then during the movie one of those moments of akward silence hit, which is the moment Kai decided to say in a loud booming voice “I like that guys fighting style.”

Perhaps Warner Brothers should have renamed the Reload and Revolution to “Matrix: Sucks” and “Matrix: Even Suckier.” It is fun, but holds no candle to the fresh ideas and special effects of the first. Oh well, go spend the $7 seeing it or the rest of our generation will banish you for life.

My Life As a Movie

They can be smell, funny, boring, smart, clever, dim, stupid, texan, or any other combination of ailments and conning attirbutes. If I were to personify each of us as a televion or movie personality, this would be the result… (note: I am doing this because someday NBC will want to overtramatize and cliche a dramatic part of our lives, similar to the whole Jessica Lynch made for TV movie.)

NBC’s new slogan “cheapen your life through television.”

Jason would be portrayed by Owen Wilson
Becase he dresses nice without looking gay and had a deadly quiet wit. He might not say anything for hours - but when he does it is bound to be funny. And he is the best facial expressions ever.

Andrew would be played by Oscar the Grouch.
Not because he is grouchy, but rather because he is actually less clean. You can always follow Andrew’s trail about the place.

Alan would be played by Alf.
Both are alien (Alan is from texas) and like to indulge themselves on the occassional meal of cat, which is why our cat has been missing since we moved in.

I would be played by Stewie from the Family Guy
Cynnical, cunning, and smart. And he shoots at a fifth grade level!

Ninjas of Insanity

I am out to promote the advancement of insanity through the use of subtle pranks. A lot of times people pull the most obvious pranks and expect the victim not to notice. For instance, someone walks up to you and says “Smell this!” Do you expect it to smell wonderful. No. Why? Because no one asks you to smell things under normal circumstances. To properly screw with someone’s head you must set up a series of seemingly unrelated circumstances. The number one rule is to never mention what you did to the person.

Put a small church… I mean pebble in your roommates shoe every day. Never mention or ask about it. One day he’ll finally say “there are always rocks in my shoes.” You should counter by calmly saying “Never happens to me.”

Messing with someone’s computer. Don’t move the computer or unplug everything. Do random small things. Such as reseting the homepage. Remove or unplug one cable from the computer. Adjust the color of the monitor.

A great car sabotage, that is not subtle, is to turn everything in the car on. We’re talking about maximum air conditiong, wind shield wipers, radio, turn signal, and emergency brake.

Cut every third Q-tip in half. Roommate sabotage or factory defect?

See a stack of styrofoam cups? Remove the first five. Then put a small hole in the sixth one and place them all back in a stack. Note: if you poke a hole in the first one, the first person will notice and then everyone will check their cups for holes.

Be creative, simple, and subtle.
Be an insanity ninja. Creating insanity without leaving a trace.

Win Ben Stein’s Money

Tonight Ben Stein spoke at the Wes Watkins center. Kenny, Sara, Tyler, Alan, and I headed over to watch. He wasn’t the best speaker ever, but he wasn’t horrible either.

Sara was eating donuts on the way over. Kenny and I ate one apiece. Later we found out it was her dinner…meaning we had eaten two thirds of her dinner. What horrible people we are?

He started by telling around six jokes (varying from somewhat funny to a little raunchy). Kenny was hoping he would jump out with a guitar and jam with the crowd to be different and surprising.

He answered questions afterwards, which ranged from the request of him doing his famous “Bueller, Bueller, Bueller…” bit from Farris Beuller’s day off to the question “How much money did you lose on Ben Stein’s Money?” He claims he lost around one million dollars. The equivalent of 200 games.

Stein wrote speeches for Nixon. Tyler wondered if Stein had penned the words “I am not a crook.” Turns out he didn’t. He gets asked the question enough they printed it on the back of the VIP tickets (which we didn’t have but a friend did).

Afterwards, we all get our pictures taken with him and we challenged him to a game of Trivial Pursuit. Sensing the uncanny intelligence we poses he ran away into the night.

Confrence at U of A

I’ve been super busy the last two weeks. Architecture took a trip to the Allen-Lambe house last week, which is in Wichita. Then I was at a SWACURH confrence at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville, Arkansas U of A is a beautiful campus. The ozarks are nothing short of gorgeous this time of year as the trees change colors and create a vivid landscape of colorful hills.

These pictures give a better sense of the enviornment of Arkansas… such as a picture of the “Democracy Caravan,” which is the world’s worst attempt to generate voter turn out, a cairn to TinGoddess13, and other random shit.

In a recent Arby’s commercial they proclaim “Roastbeef has never been this exciting before.” Or something which implied roastbeef is exciting. Therefore, Jason and I have started referring to exciting things as “roast beef!” For example, “Seeing Ben Stein was roast beef,” which should explain why roast beef was bolded in the last blog.

iPod iPhoto contest is going

Next time you are in the student union look at the bulletin boards displayed along the hall and locate the photos for the competition. The photos are rotated every day or two so that I can’t tell everyone “hey, go vote for me #3.1415926” Very clever. Check out the pictures here. Then go vote for them!