Archive for February, 2004

Thursday February 26, 2004 51

Posted February 26, 2004

There is a prize for anyone who can name the four movies I make refrences to in this post.


22 Short Stories about Seth Hardiman

My name is Seth Hardiman, in less than a year my social life will be dead. In a way it already is; I’m an architecture student. (notice the use of the semi-colon!)

See him? That is my son, my love child with Rick Moranis.
(be sure to visit Dover and give him props for this hysterical picture.) Somehow Dover discovered this skeleton in my closet. It is a long story. I boned Rick Moranis. Okay, it is a short story. See the way my son looks like me? That is because of genetics, stupid. The same reason why you have the milk man’s eyes and your mother’s thighs.

I woke up and dragged my ass to Architecture and Society, which is basically a history class. We’re not learning about how Magellan was the first person to circumcise the globe in a clipper ship, but rather who built what, why, and how it fell (if it did fall).

How come your first class in the morning is always a lecture with comfortable chairs where they turn the lights off and show slides? Are they trying to make us fall asleep and fail?


Architecture Systems

Next is Architecture Systems, where I get to sign the roll sheet. This is the highlight of my day. From here everything is down hill. Actually, the best part of this class is signing in because I go crazy with my signature, shown above.

Signing “Hardiman” it is easy to go loop crazy. Look at how the end of the word “iman” is like a roller coaster when you sign in cursive. And you get to go back and put the dot over the “i.” Damn, that rocked my face off.

We learned about trees. Instead of boring you, I’ll make up stuff about trees…


Trees can be big.

 
Trees can catch on fire.


Trees have even more wood than porn stars or a golf player.

 
Trees eat Penguins.


Trees arch-nemesis are Republicans. He hates trees because he is only a lowly bush.

 
Trees get humped by Democrats.


“Sometimes I even Surprise myself.”

Studio… this is the big class of the day. It is four days a week, from 1:30 to 5:20pm. I spent the first hour zoned out looking blankly at paper and moving my parallel bar. It looks like I’m doing work. I’d say in a given day (today) I do maybe fifteen minutes of real work.

Today an epiphany hit me. I grabbed an eraser, a drafting pencil, permanent marker, and tape and I recreated myself as an eraser. This is the first Pope On a Bomb merchandise I’ve ever made. He has two hats, black on white and white on black.

 

I spent the next three hours wandering around showing him to people. Everyone was amazed. (ooohhhhh…..ahhhhhh….. applaaaaaaausssse).

After which I ate dinner with Abbey and Justin. It was soul food dinner tonight, which means I ate enough cholesterol to kill most of the general population of China, which is roughly 2 billion people, or some other made up large number.

Thursday February 26, 2004 26

Posted February 26, 2004

Quote:
“Nothing is worse than skipping class because you are sick, not because you want to.”


If They Mated

If Kylie, the one on the right, and Audrey Tautou (aka Amelie, and not pictured here) mated. You’d get Kylie. In fact, at the time of casting Kylie was turned down for the role only because she doesn’t speak French. Not enough French to be in a movie at least.

Each language has a catch phrase, and the most known French catch phrase would be “Surrender!” Don’t even argue it isn’t a French word. No other society has said it as much in history, so the french adopted it even if it wasn’t their’s in the first place.

Of course, the next best known French phrase is voulez vous couche avec moi. At a casting call that won’t get you far, unless you are trying to work in the porno industry. Or has it been replaced by….


…Mardi Gras!

I am starting a movement whose members justifiably believe Mardis Gras should count as two days (not as tuesdays, but as TWO DAYS… tuesday plus wednesday), because after all it is fat tuesday. Why should it be Fat Tuesday if it is the same size as the other days? Technically tomorrow is Friday. I decree it so.

How come New Orleans is the only city that celebrates Mardi Gras on a huge city wide basis? Why can’t Mardi Gras fall during spring break? Spring Break is always a few weeks after. Our movement will include the OSU Spring Break to fall during Mardi Gras.


Beauty of Mathematics

Knowledge is Power, and this explains why I spent the majority of my spare time promoting the ignorance of the general populace (ie, I support Public Schools). I mean… it is why I spend a majority of my spare time absorbing as much knoweldge as I can. Like a member of Phylum Porifera.

Lately I’ve spent time here reading about Fractal Geometry and Genetic Algorithms (i am currently doing a computer program on my own that implements genetic algorithms on a grand scale).

Fractals are generated using mathematical functions implementing the square root of negative one, which is known as i, the imaginary number. Who would have guessed that the square root of negative one would have beautiful properties? The picture above is a Fractal image. The neatest part is you can zoom in on the infinitely and see repeating patterns.


Tricklings

On the average day, visitors to this site spend a grand total of almost 6 hours. (144 people at 2m16s a piece)

While reading a xanga site, I misread Finance as Fiance. Her statement about having to take a fiance test made no sense, until my brain corrected itself. Now I know how President Bush’s brain runs on a permanent basis, but without the correction option. He got a demo version of the brain, like a demo version of a compter program where only selected features work.

Sara and Stephanie stopped by last night to see what the Jones Apartments are like. It was cool to see them for a bit. Sara even privliged us with a cell phone conversation to someone. They liked how we decorated the place and suggested we be interior decorators. We declined the offer.

Tuesday February 24, 2004 40

Posted February 24, 2004

Updated: I felt the whole Atkins Communion bit was a bit crass, so I tried to tighten it up a bit. Second, the last bit was NOT attempt at me fishing for compliments - rather, it was supposed to be something humorous for JR (who left a compliment about someone else in my comments… i didn’t mind, it just reminded me of Ralf and made me laugh. Thanks for the laugh JR). Third, my Brother commented on my site for the first time… can you guess which comment he was? Fourth, I made featured yet again.

Quotes:
“The point of alcohol is to make English your second language.”

Robin Williams


The New Loaf for the New Man

While in Panera bread today, where I purchased a beautiful loaf of Assiago Cheese Focaccia, it occured to me if Atkin’s, of the Atkins diet, were god, then the Devil would be bread. I love bread (but not devil bread).

The Church could increase attendance by leaps if they could top the Subway ads for Atkins safe food with Atkins Approved Communion Bread. (not to mention Jesus is a better role model than jared) Not only does it fit within your diet, but if you believe in God and all His wonderful things then you get forgiveness too!

It would really be sad if people skipped Communion because of diet concerns, wouldn’t?


Seven Deadly Breads

Panera was Grand. Jason and I went there at about 1:00pm today. Roughly half the state of Oklahoma was there. Luckily, we weren’t eating there, but rather came for a loaf or two of bread. I had an Assiago Cheese Focaccia Loaf… here is half of it… 

There would be a picture of the said bread in its current state, but it no longer exists in a fashion which anyone would like to see a picture of it.

A manager told the cashier my loaf had been bagged wrong…
“Focaccias should always be layed in one of these paper bags that lay flat. Remember that.”
At Panera Bread a Focaccia Sin must be close to murder. She could use some Atkins Communion.


Local iPOOP Record

A friend of a friend will be in the bathroom for the next week, after setting a new Stillwater, Oklahoma iHOP record for the most “Never Ending Pancakes” eaten by one person. He ate 21 pancakes and 1 bite. That is seven full orders of “NEPs” plus one bite.


Hate Cords Together

Don’t hate chords, because then you’d hate music. Rather, hate cords.
I have cords. And like most people, I hate them (them being the cords), because they (cords again) are attached to everything and are always tangled. The sole purpose of cords is to tangle into huge masses of never ending knots the second you aren’t watching them.

Even things that don’t need cords have them, such as babies (okay, you come up with a better example). You never lose things that have cords on them, which is annoying because it means the things we do lose don’t have cords on them. My wallet needs a cord. Some people need cords on their lives.

I hate them (cords, not people who need cords) with a passion. The first thing I do with a loose cord is tie it with a twist tie in a noose as though I am hanging a criminal for the most sinister deeds, to the proper length it needs to be (not that i believe in capital punishment). Who else has this emotion?


Random Bits of Brain

A big THANK YOU to all the people who have dropped by, commented, and subscribed in the last few days. Featured Content was once again made, and I jumped in excitement again! How sad is that? Not as sad as eating 21 pancakes and a bite. (Please note, it was a rhetorical question).

Mutant turtles must hate having everyone ask “Are you a ninja mutant turtle?” every where they go.

Our family has hosted a number of exchange students. One was Ralf, from Germany. Every girl in the high school thought he was cute. Did they tell him? No, they told me. It was nice of them, but what I would have given for one of them to say “Seth, you are cute!” It really doesn’t do any good to give a compliment to someone who it doesn’t apply to. I’m not fishing for compliments, rather I am making some sort of weird point.

133 - the number of times I’ve listend to the Coldplay CD’s since January (no joking).

Sunday February 22, 2004 38

Posted February 22, 2004

Quote:
“His Depends are empty and his heart is full. It is sobering when it is the other way around.”

-Me, commenting on an old man skipping in the Wal-Mart parking lot.


If They Mated

We’ve all seen this classic bit on Conan O’Brien. If Conan can do it then the Pope can too. The first victim is WomanOfDanger.Surely, since her last post we all know she is in love with Gumby and pirates.What would she look like if she had children with a pirate gumby (as opposed to a gumby pirate)?


I’ve got Skulls!

ThetaGirl was kind enough to let me have the goat skull she picked up out on a farm.I’m not sure why she wanted it, and she wasn’t sure why I wanted it.Then I explained it was so my art major roommate could draw still lifes using it. It must have been a relief for her to discover it was not for necrophilia purposes. A friend is trying to convince me to turn it into a hat, but it seems that would scare girls away.

I’ll post a picture of the Skull, which she wrapped in a Gap bag, once my camera batteries are charged.


Warning: Random Bits of Concrete Thoughts

Once I when flying to Boston to visit my sister Rebecca, I had to take her some underwear she had left at home. The airport security always checks my baggage for bombs, and I was hoping they would. That way when they came to the underwear and asked me what it was for I could say…

“…We all have our habits.“

Don’t let alligators fool you. These are words of wisdom that have stood true through the tests of time.

If I was a cop, to get people to slow down I wouldn’t sit along the road with my radar gun out. I’d sit along the road with my hand gun out. It would be easier than writing a ticket - just shoot out your tires.


Panera’s Box

The wonderful Panera Bread Company has established a location for me.The Pope has large bread needs for communion purposes.I am sure they built it to serve my bread intake demands, or maybe they thought a college town would be a good place to have one.

They had a two hour grand opening on Saturday, and then followed it with a grand closing so they can open up on Monday again. Odd. Anyway, we should all go hit up Panera bread Monday night!

In Pandora’s Box the last thing to come out was hope. At Panera’s Box the last thing to come out is hope in the form of bread… Mmmm… edible hope.

Wednesday February 18, 2004 42

Posted February 18, 2004

Quote:
“You may have rallied the troops, but I brought the nurses.”

 A friend taking credit when at an event all the girls came with him.


Fighting the Common Asshole

Here are a few strategies to use when in a fight…

1.) Kick the guys ass
2.) Claim you are hemopheliac and run
3.) Fall down crying
4.) March forth your legions and smite his ass.

(quick note: based on personall experience #2 and #3 are sure fire bets)
Many of you are asking “I have no legions to march forth from my stronghold to smite my enemies.” If that is the case, then feel free to contact the Pope’s Loyal Fighting Legion. Customers who use the Pope’s Loyal Fighting Legion save an average of 15% per crusade per year. Compare prices and we’re sure you’ll find we’re the Army for your smiting needs.

I am supreme commander, Sockmonkey rules the Mobile Cavalry Division, and Mandrake commands aerial forces and ground infantry.

We come well equipped. For instance, doesn’t every good army have Mobile Gundam Robots (back row), Standard Infantry (green guys), Monks (middle, far left), a Firemen hunched over with a Chainsaw (center right), a few Medieval Knights for valor and the authentic Smiting feel (mid center, lower), and a battalion of tiny tanks. The pride and joy of every Army worth anything, is a Fry Guy Robot from the days when McDonald’s toys were good (lower left).


“The Element of Surprise”

I don’t mind if there are gays in the military or even in the Pope’s Loyal Fighting Legion, but one group of soldiers has what must be the most fairy, light, and loafy fighting stance ever. These guys look as though any second they will break out into a chorus from the Pirates of Penzance. Who cares if they do, as long they take down a lot of people on the way.

What exactly are they doing? Striking posses for the next issue of GQ?

What We Learned Today

A violin is made of roughly seventy pieces of wood, Goats of no upper teeth, Almost half the newspapers in the world are publish in the USA and Canada, Triumph the Insult Comic dog hates canasians, clocks are not made visible in Las Vegas casinos, finger nails grow faster than toe nails, Lachanophobia is a fear of vegetables (the kind you eat, not the kind in wheel chairs), Tennessee has a law against driving while sleeping, and the oddest: because radio waves travel at 186,000 miles (299,274 km) per second and sound waves saunter at 700 miles (1,126 km) per hour, a broadcast voice can be heard sooner 13,000 miles (20,917 km) away than it can be heard at the back of the room in which it originated.

Sunday February 15, 2004 31

Posted February 15, 2004


I Went To College, And It Was Okay

But you don’t have to take my word for it. This is a great book about a guy who goes to college. Not much happens, but it is very funny in a passive/subtle way. Here is one of my favorite strips from it…

 


Needed Changes

I believe the Pope should change his image up. He is coming across as too old, frail, and stale lately. To liven up his image he should start driving this…

I threw in Ninjas, because who could better protect the Pope than Ninjas? Besides, they’d be able to take offering up very quietly during services.


Project Due Due Due

When I drop off the face of the planet it means an Architecture project is almost due. This week Studio swallowed me, Jared ( Fatts), and Abby ( atticus_finch_rules), up whole until 5:20pm, which is when our projects had to be turned in. It was a set of boards about a library we designed.

It could only be one story. I think that was to elimate the threat of someone shooting the President from a fifth story window if he happened to drive by.

Abby actually got sleep, which we didn’t think was far. Jared quoted me last night as saying “At least I’m addicted to cocaine.” Studio makes us crazy. As of Friday night, I’d not eaten since Wedensday at dinner and had only slept 90 minutes in the last two days. I penciled approximately 10 fibillquadrillpentillionzsioneosnndidniasdes lines for this project.


Wax This

Here is a new product I invented. I figure Phillip-Morris will take over Crayola soon, because they have to target children somehow. And this will be their new product. Available in soft pack, hard pack, light, with or without filter, longs, shorts, extra smooth, menthol, and with extra wax. We all know the wax is what makes them taste so damn good. Ever wonder why a company didn’t advertise “Has more nicotine?”

Saturday February 7, 2004 33

Posted February 7, 2004

Quote: “And did you know the holes only natural predator is the pile?”

- Bart


Calvin and Hobbes

Possibly the best Calvin and Hobbes ever. Very subtle.


Slut Filled Inbox

The following is an exact quote from an e-mail I recieved…

“FREE !! aeccss to hgih qulaity pron siets!”
If the spelling is that slutty, imagine the women on that website!


Diet of Words

While on diets and before words… not eating carbohydrates is worse than eating them because your body will start to create hepabetas(sp?) which cause your body to become more acidic. Kiss our ass Atkins!

Tonight, while playing scrabble we spelled the following words:
Hector, Pulchritude, Languor, Quixotic, Opprobrium, Soi-disant, Sycophant, Pablum, Admonition, Elysium, Hebetude, Peripatetic, Concinnity, Abeyance, Bilious, Galvanic, Irenic, Obstreperous, Tergiversation, Abrogate, and Neoteric. (on a side note, the Xanga Spell Checker recognized every one of those words!)

Actually, these are some of the words that have arrived in my inbox after signing up for the Dictionary.com “Word of the Day.” It is fun to learn a new word every morning. Go sign up! I’ve been reading A Clockwork Orange, which Gwynn loaned me… Anthony Burgess makes up half of the words in the damn book.

I looked up the word “Godspeed.” It means “Successful journey.” And thanks to an ambulance chasing lawyer commercial, I learned mesothelimoa is the cancer caused by asbestos. And if you have it, this law company promises you big cash settlements. Their slogan at the end of the commercial wasn’t much better than “Living Large Off Your Misery.”


Genius Among Us

Kenny (guessed Sleeping In by the Postal Service) and Ashley (guessed Idioteque by Radio Head) were correct about the songs influence the Post-It art.


No Pressure… just don’t Screw Up

This weekend is going to be eaten up by Studio and by helping my Dad photograph a wedding tomorrow. It is a little nerve racking because photographing someone’s wedding is the one thing you don’t want to screw up. Hopefully it is one of the happiest days of their lives, and they don’t want to commemorate it for the rest of their lives with photographs so far out of focus the people look like big foot.

Note: No matter how you photograph the mother-in-law, she will always look like big foot.

At a funeral a long time ago my friend told me dirty jokes in the back of the Church before the service started. Then we looked up and saw that a camera mounted above us was recording… i hope it didn’t pick up the jokes. None of the jokes were about necrophelia thankfully.


Ice Scraper Man!

Jason and I were coming back from Kerr today and stumbled across this girl trying to scrape the snow and such from her car with an Aquafina bottle. She can afford a MERCEDES but not an ice scraper? For the money, one would think it was included with the car. Perhaps the bottled water is what came with the car.

My car wasn’t too far away (40oz…i mean 20ft), so I got an ice scraper and scraped her windows for her. She didn’t even leave me a tip! No, she was really nice and thankful.

Thursday February 5, 2004 41

Posted February 5, 2004

UPDATE: I made Featured Content again! Yea!

Quote:
Peter Griffin: Brian, there’s a message in my Alpha Bits. It says “OOOOOO”.
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.


Modern Heroes

Some may know him as a Taco Mayo Employee.
Some may blame him for bowel problems.
But those who know him best, call him “ Marty.” The bravest called him “Marty” to his face. Yes, the hero of the month is none other than the all powerful Marty. Mess with him, and he’ll make sure you get the worst ingredients, the slowest service, and the wrong order. To some he is an average college student. To some he is a deity.

Post It

After Tacos, Burritos, Enchiladas, Chimichongas, Chalupas, Nachos, Taco Salads, and other countless ways of arranging the five same ingredients (120 permutations are possible in all), Post-It notes, by 3M, are the world’s greatest invention.

The difference between a permutation and a combination is that in a permutation, the order matters. For example: in permutations 1,2,3 and 1,3,2 are different because order matters. But in combinations 1,2,3 and 1,3,2 are the same because the order doesn’t matter. You could care less, huh?

Can anyone tell me what two songs I was listening to when I drew this?
One is a Radiohead song the other is by the Postal Service. If you are the winner and are from OSU, I’ll buy you a taco while Marty is working.

Who Cares?

Who cares if Janet Jackson showed her boob at the Super Bowl? First, she is getting old. Second, you saw it for maybe a half second. Third, I didn’t think this many people would really care. Fourth, who in the world uses the internet to download a picture of ONE boob? If you are going to suck up bandwidth do it by streaming full motion porn or something. Don’t waste your time on one stupid boob.

Tuesday February 3, 2004 24

Posted February 3, 2004

the people we love the most are those we can hurt the easiest.

when you hurt them, for them it is a pain unmatched because they trusted you.

it is too easy to forget that.

it can cost a friendship.

(ps - this has nothing to do with Gwynn for those of you wondering)

Sunday February 1, 2004 31

Posted February 1, 2004

Quote:
“You are attracted to Christina Aguilera, and you are attracted to me? I’m Offended.”

- Gwynn


The Joy Of Roommates

Last night I came in making all sorts of noise only to discover Alan, who we call Rookie because he is a lowly freshman, sleeping on the couch. Thankfully he didn’t wake up. Then I entered my Locked room where I discovered this Post-It note on my pillow explaining why he was passed out on the couch.

“I finished the bottle of everclear. I need sleep. Sincerely, the Rookie”

The brilliant moron person who lived in my room last year tried to kick the door in, which means anyone can open the door when it is locked if they know the secret (a good push), which Alan does. Why he felt he had to break into my room and leave the note is a mystery.

Oh yea, today is Super Bowl Sunday, and no one gives a damn. Take that NFL… and RIAA. Even though they have nothing to do with the NFL, you should stick it to them every chance you get.

Gwynn and I hung out all weekend, watched Run Lola Run, had a slow dance, traded some books (i loaned her Slaughter House Five. she loaned me A Clock Work Orange). We snuck in a slow dance with Gwynn, because she wanted someone to dance with her so much in her last post. Went to see School of Rock. Ate 2:30am Arby’s. And in general had a wonderful, brilliant, smiling time.


We All Hate Boys…?

Since Gwynn was staying at Kylie’s all weekend, we spent a lot of time over there. Kylie and her roommates have up some poster propoganda about boys (pictured above), which has convinced me to join the “Boys Are Stupid” blogring, even though I am a boy. We should all join.


Holes In Perfectly Good Things

Kylie’s roommates also have the worlds worst spoon. What is the true purpose for this? Any suggestions as to its purpose? Maybe girls are stupid too?


Happy Birthday!

We made a cake for Diane’s birthday, which was well attended. Way to throw a bash! Everyone go leave her a birthday eProp or 2. I actually mixed, removed from the pan, iced, and wrote the little message on the cake. If it tasted bad, sue Betty Crocker. When it came time to mix the cake I had the blender-egg beater thing out. Turns out it is spastic and wouldn’t stay on unless someone hit the cord repeatedly. It is going ON off ON off ON off ON off ON off ON off and Kylie and Gwynn start yelling “Seth, cut it out. Just mix the damn cake.” They wouldn’t believe me it was spastic.

Diane introduced us by our real names and there were no responses. But when she went around and introduced us by our screen names people went crazy.