Archive for April, 2004

Friday April 23, 2004 45

Quote: “Marriages are made in Heaven and consummated on Earth.”

-Fortune Cookie we got the other day. Humorous and true. 

Edit: on behalf of Capricorny, pictures of hats are allowable if you own the hat.


Today is a great day!

Today Gemini made my day! This marks the first time anyone expressed a hatred towards my online screen name. This increases the number of people who hate me to a grand total of one! Check this out…

Gemini16545: “your screename is not right. you should not take that as a game you peice of dipshit. at least he does something for this world unlike you.”

I had the same initial reaction as you… “Who the hell spells `screen name’ or `piece’ wrong? ” Oh, no! Whatever shall I do? Someone called me a dipshit! Watch out, someone in the area is capable of powerful vocabulary and bad spelling. Tremble with terror!

One of my friends wrote… ”There is a gigantic gulf between a good idea and the execution of a good idea, and on the shore, before you even get into the boat, is the hurdle of spelling and grammar.”

You get one chance to msg me, and that is the best thing you could come up with? The problem with that insult is it lacks originality, passion, intelligence, wit, or taste. Sure, you can message me again later, but it won’t count. Thankfully, my computer, which has no true intelligence, is at least smart enough to know how to properly deal with insulting citizens lacking a sense of humor.

*** Auto-response sent to Gemini16545: “If Peter was peanut butter, would you eat peter sandwiches all day long?”

For the record, I have nothing against the Pope. Even if he does wear a goofy hat, he does a lot for the world. But we all do in our own way. This entitles each of us to wear a big crazy hat. For instance, I make people laugh. In turn, I wear this hat…

 

(gangster voice) Yea, thats right you seeeeeeee. And to match the hat, I got that car. It corners funny ’cause I’ve got Tony Tight Lips diamonds stashed in there from our last job. Yea, coppers, thats right. Notice those chopsticks hung above my door just as a samurai would hang his sword.

1.) If you could have insulted my screenname, what would you have done?
2.) If you had a big crazy hat, what would it look like? Save the picture of this hat, edit it to look like whatever you want, and then e-mail it to me at sethh@okstate.edu. I’ll do a post on the best entries. You can even do it with the windows paintbrush program.


People in need of lives

We’ve all seen the satellite TV vs cable commercials. The crappy ones where two-bit actors read poorly written letters from people who have no substance to their lives and spoon with their satellite dishes at night while ignoring God, their spouse, children, and work.

Or the ones of people whose satellite dish is always blowing away, but they can’t do anything about it because it requires mixing cement. The truth is, these people are incapable of physical movement from sitting in front of the TV too much. “I live in an apartment. Where could I possibly mix cement?” How about outside you lazy sack of chips!

No big crazy hats for you!

I’d like to see a series of these but done for “Home Town Mafia” versus “Big City Mafia“…

Guy in commercial: “I’ve got to get rid of this body. I call my Home Town Mafia, and they tell me they don’t have the man power to spare, so I should mix my own cement and put him in the local pond. But where am I supposed to mix cement? I live in an apartment!”

Thursday April 22, 2004 36

Quote:
When I have my mid-life crisis, I hope I am rich.”

- Reese “Reese” Almack


Dancing In The Streets

Last weekend while dumpster diving with Reese and Tyler, we made a discovery. A huge TV left outside of a business on Main Street of Stillwater. It wasn’t being thrown out, but we couldn’t not use it. What do you do when you find a 54″ TV outside at 4:30am?

You grab 3 more friends, a playstation 2, and your Dance Dance Revolution Pads! That is right, we played DDR at 4:30am on Main Street of Stillwater. It was great. Here are a few pictures.

 

Tyler’s pad is a bit cooler looking than mine (the green one). Aside from being an octagonal shape, it had LED lights that come on and off when you dance, which makes up for his lack of dance ability (just kidding). I have dance ability. Therefore my pad is simple. Besides, who needs lights when you have Calvin and Hobbes dancing along side you?


Hail of a Time

Today I had to hand a paper in to a teacher who is in a building clear across campus. I step out the doors of Jones and a hard drenching rain starts, accompanied by hail. You know - that hard frozen stuff that isn’t snow. I courageously walked clear across campus in pouring rain and hail while wearing sandals, jeans, and a t-shirt. And then back, in a less pouring non-hailing rain.


Money Isn’t Everything

I don’t want people wandering around thinking I am a greedy bastard or that I am unhappy in anyway. I love my life and am content with it. In honesty, I hope everyone has had as wonderful a life as I have. I have no regrets, and I look forward to my future. There are some things I’d like to do that are made easier with money. None of them are about myself. I want money to give to others, as cheesy as that sounds. Here are a few things I’d like to do:

1.) Retire my parents - it would be nice to give to them for all they’ve done for me. 2.) Give my Church enough money to pay a minister a full salary.
3.) Go to a shelter on Christmas and give everyone $100.
4.) Go into a restaurant, and buy dinner for EVERYONE that evening.
5.) Leave a waitress a $500.00 tip on someone else’s table.
6.) Get a teaching degree and teach for free.
7.) Go on mission trips. Send other people too!
8.) Give to whoever I can help.


The People Who Haunt Me

When I’m online and away people say “Why are you always away?”
When I am not online, people always say “Why are you never online?”
You can’t please all of the people all of the time, and I am guaranteed to bump into the half who aren’t pleased apparently. It cracks me up.

And have you ever notice that when you have a contact problem, people who have never worn glasses or who don’t wear glasses try to tell you what to do? The following is the conversation contact wearers always suffer when having a contact problem…

4 Eyes: “Oh, oh, oh! it might be inside out. Are you sure you are doing it right? Maybe you should clean it?”
Me: “OH REALLY! Wow, after wearing them for 10 years I’d never thought of that! Hallelujah! I’m in the presence of genius”
4 Eyes: “I’m glad I don’t wear contacts. I don’t have those kinds of problems.”
Me: “Oh, I wish I still wore glasses. Boy, do I ever miss them fogging up, getting scratched, leaving those nose pad marks on my nose, and always needing cleaned off. What was I thinking when I switched?”


With Great Names comes Responsibility

With certain names come certain obligations, and I think Kentron is legally obligated to learn the Robot. Because then he could walk into the room and say “Hey everyone. It is I, Kentron.” And then he’d bust a little robot dance move.

Speaking of which, check out this Video of the Sony Robot. For those of you who don’t know, to get a robot to stand up and even walk around is a big feat. The video is huge (even on high speed it will take a minute to load).


Other Advancements of Mankind

While hanging out with Reese last weekend in Stillwater I developed a new classification system. Everything we know of can be placed into one of two categories: Plastic or Breakable. I, along with my colleagues, fully believe this epiphany has advanced us fifty years in classification systems.

I’d like to apologize for an error two posts ago. WomanOfDanger didn’t literally get me a cat. Rather she gave me a link to a page of pictures of cats, which is where I picked my imaginary cat out.


Tuesday April 20, 2004 33

Quote:
It isn’t materialistic to have nice things. It is materialists to think nice things will make you happy.”

This is kind of long, but read it. Or at least read the last section.


What Poster Is On Your Wall

 

When you were little, did you have a poster of a Lamborghini on your wall or a Honda Civic?
When you were little, did your future house have an olympic sized pool or a 20ft pool?

Only 2% of people save enough money to retire at the age of 65. IE - 98% of people fail at saving for retirement. Retirement is decided by your income, not by your age, but too many of us are programmed to think “I’ll retire when I am 65.” If that is so, then why do you think the old lady at Wal-Mart is door greeting 40 hours a week and standing on a plastic pad so her back won’t hurt? It damn sure isn’t because she loves people.

I want my Jaguar KX-150S my yearly 2 month vacation in europe, a paintball field, and my own army of Dance Dance Revolution Arcade Machines. I’m not going to make you a business offer. I’m simply telling you this is what I’ve learned…


Is Lil’ Bowow Smarter than you

 

Is Lil’ Bowwow smarter than you? How about the members of N’Sync, Jessica Simpson, Tom Cruise, or Bill Gates? Do you think any of them have an alarm clock? If they do, do they set it? We’ve seen Jessica Simpson on TV, therefore we know for a fact she is too dumb to set an alarm clock (setting alarm clocks isn’t why Nick married her, though the reason does take place in beds or a limo if you have the money to own one).

Do any of them have to set an alarm clock for 7am, drag their ass out of bed, go to work for 8 hours, listen to their bosses drone on about mission statements, sit in a padded cubicle, then come home, eat dinner, pay their bills, go to bed, and repeat the process. Doubtfully.


The Difference

Here is the difference: They know more about money than you do, which is why they have lots more of it. I would like to state one thing now: I am aware these people work hard. But you work as hard too, don’t you? Money isn’t happiness, but we all agree that money gives you more options than not having money. Lets talk about how you make money.

Your life will imitate those you are around because you learn both good and bad things from them. If you want to be able to spend a weekend or a month in paris, or drive a mercedes, or seven of them, or have 10 homes around the world, then you have to learn from people who do. If you want to be a Ninja hang out with Ninjas. If you want to be a Porn star… well, you have to get an operation for that.

A lot of people are business majors. How many of their professors do you think are millionaires or have successfully run their own businesses? Very few if any at all. You’d be shocked if you asked the professors. A business professor is most likely going to know nothing about making money. Lets look at millionaires…


Trading Time

People earn money by trading time for money. No matter how hard you work, you are limited to 24 hours in a day. 14 hours if you allow 8 hours of sleeping and 2 hours of getting ready and commuting. We (those of us who aren’t millionares), work an average 40 hour week, which gives us 2000 work hours a year. At $6.50 an hour that is $13,000 dollars year. Lets say your dream car is a Lamborhini Murcielago, or you want to buy a new house, which costs $273,000. It would take you 21 years to earn that car or house, if you didn’t spend money on anything else.


Make money from Last Year

Do you get paid for the work you did in the past? No, but Tom Cruise does. The way you get paid is called Linear Income. In January you start off with $0. Each month you get paid, and in December you’ve collected your $10,500 or $120,00 or whatever your salary is. The next year comes and you start over again at zero. You don’t get new income based on your work the year before. Maybe you get a raise. The aveage raise is 1% of your income. Yearly inflation is about 4% annually.

Tom Cruise made Top Gun in 1986 - he still gets money off it everytime it is shown on TV or someone buys it. Bill Gates makes money today from a business he started in the 1980’s. Jessica Simpson made a CD and it will make her money for the rest of her life. This is called Residual income. Ray Kroc makes money off a business called McDonalds.

If you miss work, you don’t get paid for the day. If Bill Gates misses work, he gets paid even more than he did the day before. Wouldn’t that be nice? That is the difference. Thanks to residual income, most millionaires will make more money not showing up to work ever again than you will by showing up to work for the rest of your life (and your kids, their kids, their kids, and their kids).


“An order of Kroc-Nuggets, please.”

The key is duplication of a successful process. In these cases you duplicate the amount of time you get paid for in a day. Not by adding hours to the day, but by duplicating the work done in 24 hours. The two most common ways of doing this are by getting people to invest in your company (and then making it successful, which is incredibly hard), or by franchising, invented by Ray Kroc, which has a much higher success rate.

In the 1950’s Ray Kroc bought the name McDonalds (you wouldn’t eat a Kroc burger, would you?) from the McDonalds brothers and moved the business to Chicago. At the time it only sold burgers, french fries, and shakes. After doing well for a while, Ray Kroc opened a second one. But when he was at Store 1, the productivity at Store 2 dropped, and vice versa, this is because we all work harder when the boss is around. So he invented franchising, which put an owner working in every store (if you own a mcdonalds you are required to work there a certain number of hours in order to keep productivity up).

He sold Store #2 and told the owner “I’ll show you everything I did to be successful, and in return you keep 98% of the profits, and I’ll keep 2%.” Now, this may sound dumb for Ray, but it works out great. Why? He only has to teach that owner 1 time, and from that point on Ray will make money as long as the McDonalds is open. Ever seen a McDonalds shut down? Maybe, but that is a rare exception. Basically, he will make money off it forever.

Henry Ford is famous for saying “I’d rather of 1% of 100 men than 100% of 1 man.”

To make things even easier, Ray setup a Supply Base, Golden State Foods, and a Knowledge Base, Hamburger University. You cannot own a McDonalds unless you attend HU (and have a couple million dollars in liquid assets). If you own a McDonalds and need anything at all, you make one phone call to Gold State Foods. They provide everything. If you have a business question you call Hamburger University. Every franchise is based on this model (supply base + knowledge base + residual profit).

McDonalds, when drawn, looks like this…

(except there should be 30,000 little circles coming off Mr. Kroc. I don’t have time or the post-notes to draw that. Yea, it looks a lot like the beginning of a pyramid.)

How many times can Ray teach someone to run a McDonalds this way? At the time of his death 8,000 McDonalds were open, and today there are over 30,000. For the rest of this, let us assume he is alive. Either way, he or his family gets 2% profit from each of those. If each store is open a minimum of 10 hours a day, he gets paid for working 300,000 hours a day. Can you do that? That is the equivalent of working 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 150 years.

At $1 a day per McDonalds, that is $30,000 in one day. (2.3 years of work at $6.50 an hour)
At $10 a day per McDonalds, that is $300,000 in one day. (23 years of work at $6.50 an hour)
In reality, he makes $100 per McDonalds before lunch. Buy 12:00pm, 
At $100 by breakfast McDonalds, that is $3,000,000. (230 years of work at $6.50 an hour)


Final Thought

Bill Gates’ wealth: $40,000,000,000.
If Your wealth is: $500,000:
His wealth is 8,000,000% more than yours.
Your wealth is 0.00125% of his.

His house cost: $40,000,000
If Your house cost: $250,000
His house cost 16,000% more than what you spent on yours.
Your house cost 0.625% of what he spent on his.

He spent .00001% of his worth on that house.
You spent 50% of your worth on that house.
If your house was 1/1000 of your wealth, then Bill wouldd have spent $500 on his house equivalent. You spent significantly more then he did percent wise.

If that isn’t motivation, what is?

Wednesday April 14, 2004 39

Quote:
You are just mad because dolphins are cuter and smarter than you are.”

- LeAnn. She also left some comment about Karma. My point exactly… if dolphins hadn’t done wrong in the first place, we wouldn’t have turn them into wallets.


Weekend Summary

Most people posted about their Easter weekends. I didn’t, but I can sum it up…
Friday = Tequila (a taste testing of several varieties at a dinner. no one aimed to get drunk or ended up drunk)
Saturday = Grandma’s house + killer breakfast (fried eggs, bacon, toast, etc…)
Sunday = Sunrise service at 6:30am + empty Easter basket. Then again, there was no body in the tomb either. So no complaints.


Rocket Man Gets Obvious Idea

According to recent headlines, the NASA team extended the life of its Mar’s Rover. Ummm… didn’t it just get there about four months ago? Okay… if you have to wait 4 years for your rover to land on the planet, wouldn’t you want it to “rove” as long as possible? For $230 million that thing better be roving along and handing out robotic sexual favors to astronauts, cosmonauts, and chinconauts (no offense) until my great great great great grandchildren start having kids.


The Goddess

Featured content is great, but what tops that is making The Goddess’ site, which happened recently. There is nothing quite like a little link love. Kinky love kind of rhymes with it, but neither are similar. Though, both are exciting in their own different ways.


A Gift for Greatness

While on the subject of furry hand cuffs, which brings up the thoughts of fur. WomanOfDanger gave me a kitten for my 1 year of Xanga. Of all the kittens on the site, I like this one…

He has living feather duster written all over him. I love cats. I’d love it if we could have pet cats in the dorms. Dogs are cool, but cats are more my type. Ten factual, non deniable, non arguable reasons Why Cats are better than dogs (the first seven I thought up, the last three I copy and pasted)…

1.) They are independent. Ever see a dog feed itself? No, but you can see them hunt and eat prey all the time.
2.) Cats can pounce.
3.) They are the perfect hunting machines… the stealth of a ninja, the claws of a… cat, and the fur of something cute.
4.) They purr when you pet them. Dogs just make your hands smell bad.
5.) They don’t pee on car tires.
6.) Cats live longer in general. Chasing cars is detrimental to health.
7.) A Cat will never hump your leg. If it does, then you have a dog, nimwit.
8.) No one has ever had to “Beware of the Cat“.
9.) Cats bury their crap. Dogs dig up others’.
10.) Cats have better things to do than stick their nose in your crotch.

edit: if you’d like to see a great post on a cat, then head over to Bork’s


If I Could Cha-a-a-ange the World…

Today I saved the world by defeating huge phallic shaped objects in the classic SNES game Gradius III. Ever notice how you can never save the world in a video game by defeating something that isn’t phallic shaped? Bullets, missiles, airplanes, dolphins, submarines, etc…?


Tuesday April 13, 2004 42

Quote:
Women, don’t fake orgasms. We don’t care if you have them.”

- Comedian on Television


The Pope On a Real Bomb

Thanks to Matt for taking the picture. Thanks to OSU for leaving things like this armed and laying around campus.


Dolphins Must Be Destroyed

 

Dolphins… they’re in our oceans, our tins of tuna, our Churches, and the deepest darkest depths of our souls and toilets. Our stomachs are the one place dolphins should be but aren’t. It is because of dolphins we have hatred, crime, rape, murder, theft, adultery, cafeteria food, door to door salesmen, dolphin free tuna, Baptists, racism, and hemmoragic fevers.

For the large population of us who drive submarines, dolphins are always getting in your submarine’s hatches, torpedo tubes, and other accessible submerged orphuses.

If Tuna is the Chicken of the Sea, then Dolphins are the ugly step children of the ocean, except cute and edible.

Dolphins and their cuteness have out stayed their welcome. I’m sure there are a few exceptions, but for the most part, I do believe we all share the universal fear of dolphins. Everyday you get up, chase them from your door step, and walk campus haunted by their taunting squeaks… “SQUEEEEEEEK (you’re stupid)”, “SQUEEEAAAKEKEKEKE (you’re ugly too)”, “SQueek (etc…)”


Join Our Growing Ranks

Are you sick of dolphins? I am and that is why I support the “National Association for the Assassination of Things That Should Be Made In To Wallets.” If you pledge now, not only will you get a free wallet, but we’ll get rid of the National Public Radio pledge drives while we’re at it.



Monday April 12, 2004 33

Quote:
“Spreken sie Sexy.”

-Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law


Hap-py Xa-nga-Day Toooo Meeeeeeeee!

 

My Xanga Anniversary unknowingly passed me by on April 7th, which marks my first full year of Xanga. It has been a blast! Thanks to Like_A_Fox for the first comment I ever recieved, and to everyone else who has commented, subscribed, and made the Xanga experience a great one. A big thanks to my Brother (who has a site, but only in order to subscribe to the site) who bought me the wonderful gift of Xanga Premium. My first child will be named Xanga.

A Toast to Xanga… To losing our old social lives, to creating new ones online, and to hours spent absorbing radiation infront of a computer monitor.

In celebration…well, I didn’t do much since I forgot. Originally I had a huge celebration of fireworks, ninjas, space flights, propoganda, and kegs in mind. However, architecture got in the way. Instead, we should each go out and burn down something architectrualish.


Lost In Headlines

In today’s world journalism is everywhere we look. The best, most accurate journalism can only be found in college newspaper publications, such as OSU’s O’Colly, which ran the following article headline with the following unrelated article

Someone got fired.


Random Things

They have a patch for everything these days.

In seriousness, my Dad asked us if it was “Kama Sutra” or “Karma Sutra.” I said “Karma,” because Karma is all about “What goes around, comes around. So, if you do it good enough, it will eventually happen back just as good.” Turns out both spellings are acceptable.

Noah took eProps on the Ark by twos.

If Charles Darwin ran an adoption center, the signs would read…”Babies for Adaptation.”

This Matt asked why Easter had eggs and rabbits? Originally it was a pagan festival celebrating fertility - hence eggs and rabbits. To give you an example of how quickly rabbits mate, the original rabbit population imported to Australia is estimated to have been 15 rabbits.


Thursday April 8, 2004 40

Quote:
I miss Mandrake.”

- Me, because I left him with Jenny over spring break, and I didn’t get him back until tonight. Mandrake is happy to be back.


Screwed by the Man

I am not sure what happened to Zebras, Pandas, or Penguins. But they all got screwed by the same thing, which is tragic. On the bright side, they could form their own support groups.

Thanks to that Panda’s vigilant work, there will soon be black and white striped trees and bamboo. According to last months Harper’s Index, the average adult male panda does 8 hand stands, earning them the title”The Mary Lou Reton’s of the animal world“.

On the topic of things dressed in black and white…


Kentucky Mafia Convention

 

Thursday I met up with 100 other people from the Oklahoma area and we set off for Louisville, Kentucky, where we met up with 18,000+ other people for a business conference. It was awesome. Amazing speakers, little food, and almost no sleep. Seriously - I slept maybe 6 hours and had 2 meals, and most people had less of both.

The trip was a blast, and because it was business, everyone wore suits or nice dresses (fyi, I had a suit). 18,000+ people in suits means one of two things… a Mafia meeting or a Jehovah’s Witness doorbell ringing convention, both of which are equally concerning.

Kentucky is the Canada of American. It is one of those places no one goes to or cares about. However, unlike Canada, which is filled with Canadians, Kentucky is filled with lots of horses. The horse above was shot right after the picture was taken because it apparently had “blurry syndrome.” Everywhere you went you could hear them putting down horses - it sounded as though there was a gangland war going on

They do have the Kentucky Derby Museum, which is a huge wall where the have mounted the heads of all the deceased Kentucky Derby Winners…”Not so fast now! are ya?”


Blood on the Dance Floor

Life has been very busy lately, and I’m having to re balance my schedule to accommodate everything. And everything has been very dynamic. Unfortunately my Xanga has suffered a bit because of it, but oh well - it will get back to full health soon. On the other hand, Tyler and I built Dance Dance Revolution pads, which I’ll feature in the next post.