Note: This is a bit of a long post because I’ve done lots. I will add pictures later tonight, once I get them edited to decent sizes.

Day One: Lots of Walking and Dancing

I spent Saturday as we all do… you know the usual international flight to London (arriving at 6:30am) followed by playing on the lions in Trafalgar square topped off with a douse of seeing the Rosetta Stone in the British Museum (which has free entrance by the way).

On the flight over I sat buy a guy named Steve, who is from Stillwater. He attends OU (yea, that place down in Norman *shudder*) and is in Italy for the next 8 months. IE - one more person to hang out with! 

Lauren met me at …. station at 9:00am, and from there we set off on a grand day of exploration of London. We walked the circumference of the globe, 98239485092822 kim, which is about 8 miles, while I carried my backpack, which is easily 25 pounds.

Then we went to her host family’s house, pack smaller backs for a 2 day trip, and headed to Hatfield, England. There is nothing in Hatfield except a university with a club called the Font. Lauren attended the uni there for a semester, so we were meeting her friends to head to the Fawnt.

The first half of the night they played R&B and then for novelty they played one hit wonders, such as M.C. Hammers Can’t Touch This, followed by oldies such as Van MOrrisson’s Brown Eyed Girl.

The great thing about European clubs is they are packed with people who can’t dance… Europeans. It was a blast because unlike in the States, I was not close to being the worst dancer. The Pope was showing his moves. After dancing from 8pm to 1am, I crashed on a friend’s arm chair and then woke up at 8am/

At the end of day one, I’d only had 9 hours of sleep in the previous 64 hours, and I’d walked an easy ten miles.

Day Two: More Walking

My one bit of advice is this: avoid buying anything at all in London. First, let us start with sizes. At a McDonald’s, their large fries equal an american small fries. Their large coke equals an american small coke. The actual sandwich is smaller, and a combo meal starts at $8.00!!! That is just the food.

From Hatfield we headed to Cambridge, England. The only attraction at Cambridge is the universities there. Such as Kings, Trinity, and Clare’s. These are famous, incredibly old universities. For instance, Trinity was founded in the 14th century to train lawyers to replace those who had died in the Black Plague… in the 1970’s England suffered the Black Plaque, which was largely responsible for bad dental higene here.

There are many large, gorgeous, well maintained parks around the town too. In other words, we looked at the gorgeous architecture, the cathedrals, and walked lots. Also we played on some jungle gyms and such. In all it was great fun.

At the end of the evening we went to our hostel and played Chess on the incredibly cool large chess set they had. Neither game was particularly well played, but I won both times. Making me an undefeated chess player here in Europe. I’m officially retiring though in order to maintain the unblemished record.

The hostel was an empty dorm, which meant I had 3 roommmates. I met my Australian roommates when they woke me at 3am as they came back from a night at the pubs. I headed down stairs with them to the lounge to sit and chat, and then we all retired.

Many of us know what a British Thermal Unit is, but I never knew what a British Snoring Unit was. Well, the three aussies must have set all sorts of new records because it sounded like at Boeing 777 was taking off from each bed in the room. IE - i didn’t fall asleep until well after the sun had risen. On a side note, the sun comes up here right now at about 4:30am.

After falling back asleep, I woke up around 8:00am and got ready for the day. We ate the free breakfast at the hostel and got to sit by a medievalist from Canada. He was here in England going to the universities to look at manuscripts from the 15th century. He is studying prolific (and forgotten) poet of the time named John Litgate, who actually was more popular the Chaucer at the time. We had a great conversation. The Canadian is collecting transcripts of Litgate so he can publish the first complete collection of Litgate’s poems. The last publication on Litgate was in 1904.

Day Three: Punt My…

Next we met with some friends and dined at King’s college dining hall. The food was crap, but it was cheap. And then Lauren and I went punting on the River Cam. Punting must be the most inefficient form of navigation ever. It is what you see the guys in Venice do: big long boat pushed by a little bitty thin pole.

After this we got the train back to London, and I wrote this up.

Post Cards

I haven’t sent out post cards yet because stamps are very expensive here. But I have written a few. However, nothing is getting mailed until I reach France. Where my money is worth somewhat more.

1 man, 1 language, 1 backpack

My bags are packed. I’m ready to go. Yes, there it is: the contents of that will be my companion for 90 days. I packed lightly, but I didn’t take a chance, so the boxer to pants ration is 2:1.

The European leg of my world tour has started. I arrive in London at 6:30AM. This should be a wonderful summer of backpacking europe… I have unlimited train travel, no solid foreign language capability, and enough money that I won’t have to draw caricatures for income.

For those of you keeping track at home, I’ve put a calendar up on the left side of the site under my profile which gives my current plans. I am more than willing to send people post cards, but if you want one you need to e-mail me your full name and mailing address. Sorry, but I’m not hauling back souvenirs because I don’t want to haul them around Europe.

Aside from seeing the history of Europe, answers to many questions will be found…
How many times will he have to act Canadian? How many people will give him a place to stay? How many times will he shower? How many times will his wallet be stolen and his identity stolen? What is the weirdest thing someone will give him? Can he form an amazing air guitar band in time to save the orphanage? How many women will hit on him? How many will spray him with mace? Is it really called a “Royal avec la Frommage?”

I’ll be updating about once every week or two (with pictures). Come by and drop some comments. I doubt I’ll have time to reciprocate, but I will try. In honesty, I wish you all could join me on this adventure, and I hope you all have good summers. If you know someone willing to host me for a few days somewhere in Europe, be sure to let me know!

When I get back on August 28th, we’ll throw a cool BBQ somewhere in Stillwater. See you all then!

Awkward Silence

I’ve been having this conversation a lot…

Person: “What are you doing for the summer?”
Me: “Going to europe for three months.”
Person: “I’m really envious.”
Me: “What are you doing?”
Person: “I’m working.”
Me: awkward silence…

The awkward silence is because anything I say at this point is an obvious lie, such as “That is great. I wish I was staying home like you are. But unfortunately my ticket is non-refundable or I’d stay.” There isn’t a way to exit the conversation without it sounding like I’m going to have a better summer, So I’ve been knocking them unconcious with my wiffle bat to end the conversation. I like to be punctual.

Early Yesterday at 1:00pm

I’m supposed to be packing, but somehow it seems more important to write a new blog to post for tomorrow. I leave in about 24 hours, 8 of which I will use to sleep, and the picture above is my current packing status. Apparently the key concept is to put things in the backpack.

Die Bricks!

Saturday was spent like any other day… I went over to Reese’s where we had Nick find the .22 rifle and bullets. Reese is my best friend, and his little brother is Nick. Then we proceeded to the bridge down the road where we fought off a vicious onslaught of bricks. We weren’t sure what the bricks were doing there. They weren’t doing it in a hurry for sure, but either way it wasn’t a chance we were willing to take. We blew them into small particles of dust, as they deserved. We’re good shots, and bricks don’t move. It worked out well. Thank us later.

Burn the Toilet Witch!

inscription reads: “Pope on a toilet on fire.”

Luckily the toilet behind the trees out at his house didn’t move either, just like the bricks. Obviously the bricks and the toilets were in conspiracy. And we all know you can’t light a toilet if it isn’t filled with gasoline. Maybe we are wrong, but once again we take no chances.

Reese and I are in the shed debating whether to use gasoline or kerosene, while Nick is inside getting fuse (rope from the rotisserie chicken machine his mom got for christmas), when Reese’s dad asks what we are up to. We don’t answer. Honestly, I don’t think his dad wanted to know. And I was holding a lighter…. it had to look suspicious as the least.

Nick walks by his dad later…
Their dad: “Nick what are you doing?”
Nick: “I don’t know.”

Five minutes later Reese walks by his dad…
Their dad: “Reese, what are you doing?”
Reese: “I don’t know.”

Reese and I decide it would work best if we used gasoline and kerosene. We fill the toilet up, soak the fuse in the gasoline, and are set to go. However, the video camera is dying, which means we have to take five minutes to string 100 feet of extension cord out to “the site of doom.” Yes, the whole thing is on tape if you ever want to see it - and it is hysterical.

We light the toilet. Nick peers in “Wow, there is still gas in there. It is like liquid fire.” At which point he used the shovel to lift some of the gas, which went up the handle and caught the shovel on fire. This is bad, because we are using the shovel to put out the first fire we started in the toilet. We only have one shovel.

“I should have been a fireman,” I said, and then I put out the flaming shovel. I am actualyl highly skilled at putting out fires. Even when I wear sandals I can stomp them out. Maybe because we’ve burned lots of things.

Lately, there are tons of pictures of me with guns, so here is one more of me. This time with a potato gun that Dusty left behind.

Time To Dance

Time for Prom, but I smell like gas. I shower. Get ready and go, go, go!

Prom was good. Nothing says “Romantic dance” like a Pirate theme with skeletons hanging in the corner (i think WomanofDanger will have a pirate theme wedding someday though). I hola-hooped for my lifetime world record of a minute or two. It was guys versus girls. I barely lost. They didn’t play “Ride the Train” or “The Macarena.” They did play “The Chicken Dance.” I rock at this too.

There was another OSU college student there too. We felt older than everyone else, because we are. The girls were gorgeous and the guys looked sharp. A girl gave me her phone number. I won’t call her because, well - i’m not a dirty older man.

Ladies, ties look good on a guy, but they look sexy and flirty on you.

My Brain Spews Again

The following are all thoughts 100% generated by my brain (except a quote or two)…

“It was one of those video clips you downloaded because the title only mentioned two sexy female models. Then you start to watch it and realize it isn’t women, but you were so worked up before you started watching that it was too late by the time you realized this. You zip up and go punch your roommate to make yourself feel like a man again. But you’ll always feel like less of a man after that.”

Titelist golf balls should start a new brand called “HepaTitelist.”

College needs more trapper keepers.

Eintstein’s Theory of General Realty states that e = 3 x Location

Pork is good. Sewer rat doesn’t “taste like pumpkin pie“.

On every wall there should be a small digital device with a read out that says “All Systems Normal” with blinking lights around it. Those represent security.

Or we need “You are not alone” signs posted up randomly.

There should be a government agency that randomly places $100 bills around, on, under, and in things. Then every once in a while your day would get a little brighter because you found money. The “Agency of Placing Things Around, On, Under, and In Things for the Improvement of Socieities Day.” Besides, then when you broke something you could say “I was checking it for money.”

Forget predators and prey. Let’s go with “Dangerous” and “Edible or “Eating” and “Being Eaten.”

“The boring truth is Catherine the Great died of a stroke while sitting on the commode in the palace at St. Petersburg.”

Note: It wasn’t the commode we’d set on a fire.

While standing by a pool we saw a locust fly into it. “Great, your life span is seven days, and in the first five minutes you blow it.”

Out of deodorant, I had to suffice with the next available thing: Secret. Strong enough for a man my ass. They must have designed it for very girly men because it turned left as quick as right guard.

Disertations aren’t fun. Too bad they aren’t dessertations… that should be a new Hershey’s candy.

Author Ralph Ellison, whose novel “The Invisible Man” is considered a classic of American literature, was born in Oklahoma City in 1914. He hasn’t been seen since he wrote it.

I am Emoticon illterate, but I can read them. Don’t you hate when you type something and it turns out to be an Emoticon, so instead of a real word you sentence reads “i :p grandma the other night,” which sounds bad.

edit: I’ll be in Stillwater tonight. It is my last weekend in town, ladies.

I Got Asked To Prom!

The title was either that or “Relatively Old Dude Attends Event.” This weekend I’ll be cutting the rug at a local Prom. Hopefully more than I am cutting the cheese. Yes, that makes five proms for me (i went threes times during high school, once my freshmen year of college, and now one after my senior year of college at the age of 22).

BOOYAH! Who is the Quadcity DJ’s “Ride the Train” World Smack Down Conga Line Dancing Dominator? I can lead the Macarena while doing the Chicken Dance while blessing the masses - that is how Pimp this Pope is. I’m not going because I’m a cradle robbing pervert, but rather because our families are good friends, and her date backed out on her four days before prom. It should be fun.

Jim and I

I’ll admit I was a little mean to Gemini in my post, but communication was never established on a more civilized level. I also admit that is a lame ass title for this section. Though I did feel a little civilization in our conversation. Like one of those weak tribal civilizations that can be wiped out at any moment by blankets. Please don’t harass her.

It is similar to “You’ve got Mail,” but should be called “You’ve got Hate Mail.” And there is no love interest. I’ll play the part of the handsome leading man, seeing as I fit both requirements. I wonder if she xangas or if she reads my xanga? Not knowing anything about her makes me curious, because I think she is probably an interesting person.

This is a shot from inside our house. It is a double A-frame, 3 stories high. This is a shot of the south wall of our house which is three stories of glass looking on to the lake (it was raining when i took these)…

Today I took my mom on a tour of all the places in the house that were void of ice cream. The tour included the bedrooms, the bathrooms, the dryer, and the refrigerator. See, no ice cream in those photos anywhere.

I am sad to report no progress was made on the proper acquisitions to cure the famine that has struck this land.

I love being home. One of the things I appreciate most about my life is how well our family gets along. I work side by side with my dad during the day and spend the majority of the evening enjoying the company of my parents. We sit outside under the balcony and talk for several hours everyday (usually about history). And my siblings are all wonderful and have wonderful families and significant others.

The Birds and the Bees

I took this when the trees around our house were in bloom and covered with bees. Everywhere you look nature is getting reproduction on.

Every wonder why we say the Birds and the Bees? They are unrelated to an Nth degree! Why not the bees and the flowers… “There are good bees and jerk bees. The jerk bees only care about getting to your pollen, which is why you, as a flower, should always have a 22 pistol on hand.”

A Grand Day Out

Monday a group of us (including That Matt and Wallace and Grommit) headed for Pizza Hut, the arcade, and the movie theater.

We learned a valuable lessons at Pizza Hut.
1.) The moon is made of Cheese, which is where Pizza Hut gets its supply. 
2.) You can’t order one buffet and eight plates.
3.) You can request a pizza for the buffet, but they won’t bring it to your table instead.

The lessons were continued at the arcade…
4.) I am destined to be Charleton Heston
5.) Samurai Showdown should be called “Mark Pays to Lose Again”
6.) Mark thinks he gets to take every turn in a two player game of Galaga.

Yes, the movie theater in the Enid mall has this hanging above the ticket counter. Apparently it is run by pirates who charge too much for a large popcorn and drink.

the Movie

We saw the movie “Man On Fire,” which is a movie with a poster that looks like Denzel’s last movie “Out of Time.” In this movie, which has a side role for Christopher Walkin, Denzel plays a body guard out to get revenge. Actually, that picture from the arcade inspires me to audtion to be Denzel’s stunt double. It was a little long, but overall I thought it was good…

…Especially compared to Vanhelsing, which I saw last saturday. What Vanhelsing lacks in transitions, dialogue, and content it makes up for with scenes of the ever hot Kate Beckinsale in form fitting tight leather outfits (sorry ladies - the testosterone has to speak sometimes too). This is a good movie to rent later and make out to, because if people ask you questions you can easily fake you watched it. Or is it that you can easily fake while watching it?

Kate’s (we’re on a first name basis after that lawsuit incident) best movie to date is still “Serendipity.”

I, Bad Grammar

Previews we saw…

“I, Robot” - Starring Will Smith. It is about a world in which evil Speak n’ Spell robots have been sent out into the world with bad grammar. As far as Will Smith’s character goes, what kind of name is “Agent Spooner?”

“The Day After Tomorrow” - Picture the movie “Twister” except filmed in a real state (not Oklahoma) and add snow. This movie is about the crash of the demand for ICEE drinks in the not too distant future.

“The Bourne Supremacy” - The first one was excellent. Hopefully they don’t screw the sequel up. At this point, no matter how bad a sequel to a movie is, people will always say “At least it wasn’t as bad as the Matrix sequels.”

I Break My Own Rule

Remember the person who messaged me hating my screen name? Well, she message me again, and this time I could respond. I know I say never post conversations, but I don’t expect people to read it, which is why it is at the bottom.

Gemini16545: i do not like your sn so i think you should change it because it is offensive to CATHOLICS!!!!!
Pope On a Bomb: you are the only person it has ever offended
Pope On a Bomb: besides, your name is based on Pagan beliefs
Gemini16545: u r not the pope so you should not say anything
Pope On a Bomb: but i don’t mind your input
Pope On a Bomb: you aren’t either
Gemini16545: ok then
Gemini16545: asl
Pope On a Bomb: 22, male, not your business
Gemini16545: 21/f/noydb either
Pope On a Bomb: good - i didn’t ask
Gemini16545: do not get smart
Pope On a Bomb: Yes, Ma’am
Gemini16545: i g2g
Gemini16545: i have work so0o0o bye
Pope On a Bomb: can’t wait till later
Gemini16545: why
Pope On a Bomb: (i mean i can’t wait until we chat again)have a great day
Gemini16545: i am not going on later
Pope On a Bomb: well, good bye then

She gets points this time for getting her older brother to do the spelling.

edit: you all crack me up. it isn’t that i can’t flirt, but i can’t flirt when i am trying to. we all know the whole “trying to hard” thing.

Home Again, Home Again

Sock Monkey, Mandrake, iPod, and I are all finally back home. I’ve yet to check my grades online, because this summer high doesn’t need to be lost. Being home is wonderful, except for the tin-can telephone internet connection. When the connection is slow enough I just strap the messages to my dog and she runs them between the ISP and the house.

18 Days until I arrive in London and start my wonderful 3 month trip.

Oh ’tis Irony

note: there is a subtle joke in the title that has to do with elevators.

When I moved out friday the elevator broke. Which meant we carried everything down four flights of stairs, and then we got to walk back up them. This wouldn’t have been to bad, but my energy level was low, meaning I couldn’t teleport as normal. Literally, the second we stepped out of the front doors of Jones Hall with the last load of junk, the repairman finished his repairs and the elevator doors opened.

Because you’ve got to have Faith!

Sunday I gave the Sermon. At home when I practiced it in front of my congregation of stuffed animals, I was eloquant and full of insightful comments. When I opened my mouth Sunday morning things didn’t go nearly as smoothly. I tried to picture the congregation as the congregation at home -carebears and such- but that didn’t help. It was a wonderful learning experience that I want to try again.

Life of the Par-teh

I went to Lauren’s going away party (she is moving to London for graduate school). I’d sum the party up like this…

Seth arrives at party and gets leid by Lauren immediately (i’ve got mad skills, and it was a tiki party.
Lovely Young Lady arrives (Seth notices).
Seth turns to talk to Lovely Young Lady.
Seth’s brain exits stage left, gets a cab, and heads for the next state.
Seth spends the next 30 minutes unraveling his lei in a seductive manner.

I find myself funny at times in those moments. I mention the sequence of events to Lauren and she decides to drop a good word in for me via instant pestering…

“fyi: my friend Seth thought you were hot at teh party the other night and just wanted me to let you know and if you were up for it he would even take you out to dinner!”

This has about as much tact as hitting LYL in the head with a bat and dragging her to Applebees. Now the Lovely Young Lady must be at the following singular conclusion:
“My illiterate friend’s friend is creepy.”

In my mind Lauren’s conversation was going to go as follows…
“What did you think of Seth at the party? Because later on he mentioned that you really caught his attention.”

The battle of tact is over. I’ve gotta go to Wal-Mart and get that bat.

edit: I’m not finished with the new visuals on the site. So don’t criticize it yet.

This Xanga isn’t big enough for both of us

The Pope is ready to kick some ass… if I only had 50 cents to play the game. While playing a video game this week, we came across a horrible translated line that came out in english as “I hate to jam with ham dancers.” Any guesses as to what this means?

Does anyone know what a ham dancer is? Perhaps it is similar to a wine smasher person. Which raises the question: would you drink wine that you knew had been smashed by foot? I think I’d puke if I knew someone’s nasty barefeet had smashed the grapes I was drinking. Yea, yea, yea - it is simply the principal of the thing. Keep your feet off me and out of consumables.

Strep Tease

Hopefully everyone is appreciating the away messages I’ve been putting up. I’m trying to make them as interesting as possible. Aside from having the beginning of Strepthroat, things have been busy. Including a road trip to Iowa saturday for a conference.

Good luck to everyone with finals. I only have 2, and one is open notes, open book! Don’t forget there are free pancakes at the Student Union all week!

One of the biggest things coming up… this is my last semester here. I’m an okay student, but I’m not as focused as I should be. The bottom line is after four years here, and three more left because I switched majors last year, I need a break. You know how many times my friends do that damn “A lot of people go to school for seven years. They’re called doctors” line from Tommy Boy?

Getting in to Shape

Oklahoma was good for the first 22 years, but I think I’m ready to lose the panhandle and move to a true rectangle state… Kansas. To Kansas City it is. Besides, this will provide a rest point for everyone on their way to see Stephanie in Minnieapolis.

I got my tickets in the mail for my trip to Europe. I leave May 28th (from dallas to toronto to london) and return August 28th. The first two weeks I’ll spend in England. Then I’ll have 2 months of unlimited train travel on the main body of Europe. Followed by approximately 2 weeks spent in Ireland to finish it all off. Should be wonderful!

I’ll be posting all summer from internet cafes in Europe. In preparation for the trip, I wrote to an American Ambassador in Europe, who sent me back a list of phrases I will need… 

Czech: “Ukoncete výstup a nástup, dvere se zavírají”
Translation:”Stop getting on or off, the doors are closing.”

Spanish: “Disculpeme, no sabía que ella era su hermana”
Translation:”I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was your sister.”

Latin: “Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.”
Translation:”When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.”

Latin: Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
Translation: If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

French: “Je suis la frommage por tu le monde.”
Translation:”I am the cheese for the world”

Italian: “Sì, quella è una quantità di cereale molto grande.”
Translation:”Yes, that is a very large amount of corn.”