Update: I Know What to Do

Last night I had an odd dream that I was kidnapped by evil tribesmen. There was another captive who happened to be an incredibly gorgeous young woman. The savage tribesmen living up to their stereotype were of course going to sacrafice her, as you do, because she was a virgin, as all hot women are.

Don´t worry, this doesn´t get pornographic and neither did the dream. So the only solution she could think of to save her life was for her to have sex with me. Geez, what a tough position that would be. Now I know what to do if this situation ever arrives. I´ll simply say…

¨Hold on a second, Baby. Everything will be okay.¨ and then I´ll put on some Barry White, because surely every tribe has a record player and some Barry White albums.

Picture Post

Right now I am in Cadiz, Spain. The beaches are the best in Spain because it is on the Atlantic and not on the Mediteranean. The temperature is very, very hot. For instance, at 3:45am the other day it was 33C outside.

A night or two ago we went and watched Flamenco. It was only the singing and not the dancing, but was still an incredible experience. The man who was performing was making his debut.

A young woman named Britney came with us. She is a professional music video dancer, IE is incredibly hot. After the Flamenco, which lasted for several hours (the singer took breaks), we all went to a dance club and boogied on down (no booze, just dancing).

I´ve yet to dump my pictures from Madrid, Velez, and Cadiz to CD. So until then, I hope you all enjoy these photos from Paris and Barcelona. Apologies to anyone who is on a slow internet connection. I did shrink the photos down though.

(paris) Me on the Arc d´Triumph. The Eiffel Tower in the background is 300 meters tall. My camera ran out of battery when I got there.

(paris) The Catacombs

(paris) ¨Alas poor York. I knew him well.¨

(paris)

(paris) The beautiful parisian Laetitia, who I took on a wonderful date around Paris, which I will write more about later.

(paris) John outside of Shakespeare and Company checking out the hot couple.

(paris) The most amazing display of stained glass is Saint Chappelle. Named after the patron saint Dave Chappelle. This is the infamous ¨What did the five fingers say to the Face?¨ panel.

(barcelona) I liked this because it is a very modern stain glass panel.

(barcelona) This is the courtyard of a Cathedral in Barcelona dedicated to a young girl. She wouldn´t denounce God, so the people put her in a barrel of glass and rolled her down a hill. If that wasn´t enough, they crucified her afterwards. She was 13. There are 13 geese in the courtyard to celebrate the years she lived.

(barcelona)

(barcelona) Frank Geary´s fish at the Olympic Park in Barcelona for the 1992 Olympic games.

(barcelona) Big Fish

(barcelona) Handsome man beside the ocean.

(barcelona) Frank Geary´s stuff at the Olympic Beach again.

(barcelona) The open market. There must have been around 100 vendors in this huge complex. You could purchase everything from fresh lobster to cherries, to old ladies in red shirts.

(barcelona) A very color savvy construction site.

(london) Yes, the guy in the add is sniffing a pair of underwear.

(london) Old school Spider Man is still on here.

The White Cliffs of Dover as I crossed the channel from Dover to Calis.

(paris) A beautiful stetch of Garden.

(paris) Notre Dame, but I have no clue where I took this photo from.

(paris) Johnathan entertaining us during a break at the Shakespeare and Company. Breaks consist of Brie, Bread, and Wine.

(paris)

(paris) The ever wonderful Caroline.

(paris) The ever wonderful Helen.

(paris) These guys played the best damn street music ever. These two consistently had the largest crowds gathered. I am in front of a crowd of around 200 in this photo.

(paris) This is the Black Cat of Paris. He lives in Shakespeare and Company. That is the Seat and Typewriter where William S. Burrough wrote the book Naked Lunch. I assume he moved the cat before he began.

(paris) This is the owner George, dressed like a cross between a bullfighters and Liberachi. He doesn´t cut his hair. He burns it with a candle.

(paris) We spent the night on a roof top in Paris.

(paris) Paris from the roof top.

(paris) Bongo players along the Saine River just below Notre Dame.

Pictures

…will not be on this post, because a computer with a CD-rom is $0.60 a minute. As soon as I can post pictures I will though. Simply picture me sitting on the beach, or in a park, or sleeping in while you are working or serving your prison sentence… or whatever it is you all do.

Thpain

Someone was correcting the last post and saying it was Siesta and not Ciesta. Here in Spain it would be more like Thethta, because they refuthe to pronounthe letter th the way it should be. It ith very thtrange. Grathiath thimply doethn´t thound ath good ath Gracias.

Tonight I´m going to see the world´s only professional touring belly dance group (www.bellydancersuperstar.com). It is 1/2 off for college students. And in Madrid this weekend I am going to see a bullfight.

Truman Show

There is a TV show all about me that I was not aware of. However, I am now concious of it. You all had better beware! For instance, in France I walked across the street with this woman, and when we got to the other side I realized they were filming us… Or they were at least filming her.

There was a sound boom and video cameras and all the jazz. After we walked across, the crew talked to her for a while, and I hung out at the corner taking pictures of them until I got a glance at the name of the Script, which is ¨My friend Madameoselle¨ (i don´t care how they spell it)

I´m fairly sure the camera crew was upset about the stupid american who ruined the best shot of the day. Damn his khaki pants and green backpack!

There was a photoshoot in a park I stumbled upon. And yesterday while watching street basketball there was a camera man with an ever hot spanish tv hostess broadcasting from the location for some reason. I was in some of the background shots….oh yea, go me!

Surrounded by Movie Stars

The day I left for Spain my train was departing at 8:30pm, but I didn´t know this until I got to the train station and reserved a ticket at 9:30am. While standing in line I started chatting with the two girls in front of me (Kristin and Janice) who are from Dallas, Texas. They asked me a few questions, and since I had the day free I offered to show them around Paris. Absolutlely fabulous day.

Turns out Kristin is the lead actress in two independent movies, which are currently shooting. The first is a horror movie, lacking plot, but is cool ¨because I get to curse a lot,¨ she said. The second is actually a movie with a plot. It is one of those connections movies… each person´s story connects to the next.

I´ve also met a few radio DJs, a few lead singers of small bands, some very talented arists, etc… Oh yea, a vice-president of Hilton Hotels (i may have posted about that already). I get to meet them, and in return they get to tell people ¨I met the most annoying young man today.¨

Oh yea, I also made good friends with a girl name Jaqueline who is an Assistant´s Director and played a big part in a documentary about children of World War II the won an Oscar. Also, she worked on the Wanda Sykes show, the Oblongs, the Norm McDonald Show, and the Drew Carrey Show. Isn´t that awesome? She knows all of the casts on a first name basis and everything!

Hostility

The Picaso Museum here is wonderful, though horribly laid out (as an architecture student it made me want to vommit). I bought a ticket for both exhibits A and B. I explored exhibit A, and then headed into B where I realized I missed part of A. After finishing B, I tried to go back into A and the guard became very mad at me. I tried to explain, but he wouldn´t hear it and told me to go to the information desk.

He also told me I understand Spanish fluently…seriously, he practically yelled it at me. And no, he wasn´t asking me if I speak spanish.

This is where it gets good (in a humorous PG sense)… However, to reach the exit from Exhibit B I have to go through Exhibit A. Once again, this is a problem for the guard. He gets mad and escorts me to the stairs. I go down, talk to the hostess, she apologizes for the neanderthal who had to be hired because his uncle is the missing (i mean miththing) link between monkeys and men, and I go back up the stairs through the entrance of Exhibit A. Guess who is there… the same guard, but this time things are fine.

On top of it all, I saw him let someone else through from B to A right before he stopped me!!!

Hostility with a Beer with a Free Dinner

The hostle I´m at is in a great location. It is a twenty minute walk or less to any good site in the City… the beach, Sagrada Familia, the Open Market (which i discovered today). At night, if you buy a pint of beer for 2 euro you get a pasta salad buffet. I usually sell the beer for a euro, because 1 pint of beer + a plate of pasta salad is not a balanced equation.

The best place for food is the open market… where else can you get half a kilo of cherries and half a kilo of grapes for 3 euros? After writing that I feel like I am a drug dealer. Say it a few times… it is a funny feeling.

My room over looks a courtyard filled with Hostels and bars. Meaning 24/7 you can hear people eating, talking, and drinking. Mainly drinking or talking, because people eating make very little noise. It isn´t bad to sleep to. Except at 6am all the beer trunks pull in and start clinging thousands of bottles. Seriously, it sounds as though they are breaking every glass object in the Catalanya(sp) region of Spain outside of my window.

You Tabernacle Wafer Cracker, You!

I´ve made a lot of friends who are French-Canadian. The best part about this is their curse words. A while back in Canadia their was a social movement against the Roman Catholic Churhc, which is the same thing as a Church but spelled wrong. Therefore all of their curse words are about the Church, such as Tabernacle and Host (the wafer from communion). These don´t seem satisfying.

It seems very Monty Pthon-esque. Also it is humorous that the only stand they have ever taken was against the Church. Watch out! We´ll turn against you and turn you into a curse word! hehehe ¨From now on, Jaque and I only tithy 9.5%, you Tabernacle, you.¨

The other day I played three games of Chess. The third opponent was really good. She was surprised when she cursed in French Canadian and I finished it. She should have kicked my ass, but I managed to bring the game to a king versus king stale mate.

Current standings: (wins-loses-stalemates) 4-0-1

Wish List

I want a Google 1g e-mail account.

At Shakespeare and Company  Caroline was arranging the National Geograph magazines by date when George, the owner, blew up and yelled ¨That is the dumbest thing ever! You´ve ruined my life!¨ This is especially funny because he is Ninety. Yea, his life was fine right up until now. Damn! Ninety years down the drain! I´m laughing my head off thinking about it!

This is too good to leave out. At last count I had two nipples. Apparently, this is too many.

Headed Out

Yesterday I did a bike tour of Barcelona. Saw my favorite building… Sagrada Familia. Today I sat my ass on the beach and did nothing but read ´´What am I doing here´´ by Bruce Chadwin. Good book. A shorter post.

Headed Out

I am Irresistible

This morning when I got on the Metro, as the doors were closing a lovely Parisian girl jumped into my arms. It is a great way to start the day. Even better than brushing my teeth or showering. I’ve hardly been in Paris for a day and they ladies are already jumping at me!

I don’t know tons of French, but I know enough to say things such as “You’re the beauty of the world,” “I like toast dark,” etc… You know, the lines that win the ladies over. I learned all I know from Pepe Le Pue (sp?).

And last night on the Metro a guy asked me to come home with him. Apparently I am very irresistible. He meant it in the “let me get into something more comfortable way.”

Bon jour!

Yesterday I woke up and headed for Paris. Sheesh, it is nice to be able to say that. It was a long day of travel. I took a train from London to Dover, a ferry across the channel, and then train to Paris.

Crossing the Channel only took 2 hours. People kept telling me it would take 6. Obviously they must have thought I was going to swim the channel. And it wasn’t a fast boat either - it was the cheapest, non ice-berg doomed ship I could find. There were no pirates to report of.

On the train I met two more travelers. Mille (australian) and Matt (american). And in Paris I am using my brother-in-laws flat for the duration of my stay, which is at least to Friday. This means I am saving money.

Having a free place to stay is unbeatable, but it does make it harder to meet people. So tonight I am hanging out in a cool area near a university in hopes of meeting someone to hang out with. If she is cute enough, I’ll take her to dinner and order some dark toast. lol.

Today’s Adventure

Today I spent walking along the river, exploring the 9 story shopping center (for about 2 minutes), a few parks (where I saw some famous person doing a photo shoot…close enough I could have spit on her, but I have no idea who she was), Notre Dame Cathedral, and Punt Neuf.

Punt Neuf is french for “boring old bridge.” That is all it is. A bridge. It looks like all the other bridges, but older (aka more run down). However, they are in the process of restoring it to make it look older. I think that means hitting it lots with hammers.

Notre Dame was great. There is no flash photography inside, but every tourist, except me, was taking flash photographs. Good thing God is forgiving. Security is tight at all the tourist spots right now. That means guards with machine guns are everywhere. The temptation to make a practical joke is halted by the fact you know they have lots of ammo and good aim. Even if they have bad aim, the amount of ammo makes up for it.

Near there I saw two french kids fighting with their umbrellas (it was rainy today). It went something like this…
Kid 1: “asdlfjlasdklfjlasdfkljas” (I will revenge my father’s death)
Kid 2: “hahahahaha” (your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elder berries)
Kid 1: “Argggg!” (Argggg)
Their Mom: “asdlfkalksdfklasdjf” (If you don’t stop it right now, we’ll move to America and become rednecks.)

That is all I have to say for now. I’m in an internet cafe finally, which means high speed access and it is cheap enough I’ll be able to comment back to some of you. Which I’ve been dying to do. The only things I miss about America are free local phone calls - no one has those around here.

Last Day Here

Today (wednesday) will be my last day in London for now. I just feel like moving on, and that is the beauty of being here so long. Besides, I’ll be back for a few days in August because I leave from London.

I think the next stop will be Paris, seeing as it makes geographical sense. Then Spain then Italy. Who knows though? I keep buying and writing post cards - it takes a lot though, because I always want to keep the postcards because I get ones that kick ass, but there is no way I am buying 2 of each card. I photograph each instead. Instead of redoing the last post, I figured I’d simply post the pictures…

Around London

This is Trafalgar square.

This is me playing on the lions of Trafalgar square. I cropped the picture so it wouldn’t be a picture of a huge lion ass. Sorry to those of you into that kind of stuff.

It is all greek to me… and egyptian, since we are looking at the Rosetta Stone.

This is St. Pauls Cathedral. That is the most non-saint sounding name ever. The equivalent in the USA would be “St. Bubbas Cathedral.”

This is Me, Sarah, and Lauren at the Font. The redness in my face is due to the ever cheap “Snakebite” drink I had… a cup filled with 1/2 grape syrup and 1/2 vodka. All three were very cheap and tasty.

Around Cambridge

This is me on the train headed to Cambridge. Trains are a blast to ride. I’d have posted pictures of the country side, but those kinds of pictures aren’t really interesting.

This is Lauren and Me. I’m on the left.

This is a beautiful cathedral in Cambridge, whose name I can’t think of. We’ll call it St. Amnesia’s for now.

And this is the Lamborghini that was at the stop light in front of the Cathedral. I think the guy was going to go confess his driving sins. For some odd reason he felt he had to keep reving the engine…

This is a playground we found. With an exteremly dangerous rope thingie. I can’t imagine letting my kid play on this, because from the top it was a good 12 to 15 foot drop onto solid foundation. Some of the rope was frayed. Some was held together with tape - seriously.

This is another playground we found. I’m practicing life saving skills of rope navigation, which may one day save me if I am fighting a tribe of natives deep in the Congos someday. Or if I want to kick some third grader’s ass.

The person laying down on the left… well, that must be deep grass, because there is someone under her.

There is a rainbow on the right (about 1/3 over from the right hand side). It didn’t come out well. We followed it to the end and found Weapons of Mass Destruction (bush will invade england soon) and a bowl of Lucky Charms. But the charms were soggy by the time we got there.

Here is that giant chess game I kicked ass at. You can tell I kicked ass because Lauren’s king is on his side. When I made the finishing move, she made her great quote (reference the top of the post).

Our last day in Cambridge we punted. She punted first, and everyone who past said “You’re going to punt too, right?” To which I responded “Nope, She is the one who lost the bet.” I like traveling with people, but when the other person is of the opposite sex they always think you are a couple, which is annoying. When my sister and I travel people think we are married. Not because we are from Oklahoma, but because our passports have the same last name.

This unlucky chap (i’m working on my british vernacular) had just fallen in the river while punting. The punting pole got stuck. He pulled on it. The boat went one way and he went in the river. When he got back in he about tipped the whole boat over.

Memorial Day

On Monday we went to the Cambridge American Cemetery, which is one of (i believe) two American military cemeteries in England. There was a fly by of F-15s in the Missing Man formation, and then the B-17 “Sally“, which is the last flying B-17 in the UK, made a fly by escorted by two Spitfires. It is a beautiful place and the service is done very well.

When the B-17 flew over I took video, which turned out very well. And I only got this one picture when it flew back over (at which point it was unescorted). But Lauren got some better pictures of the plane, which I’ll show people some other day.