Quote:
“dude your new picture is SO fierce… that or you look like a serious knife collector who lives in his mom’s basement and plays dungeons and dragons. i can’t decide”

Quote:
“It isn’t revenge, it is revengance.”

Quote:
Me: Spending your money on booze and whores?
Matt: Yeah, only not booze and whores, it is booze whores.

Are you what you wear?

Does the Super Hero define the outfit, or does the outfit define the Super Hero? This is the question I pose today after contemplating a post by Captain Ash. My arguement would be this: the outfit only defines the Super Hero if the Super Hero gets their powers from the outfit.

Seeing as I posses no super powers which I wish to reveal at the moment (though some would call me a pirate ninja by trade), we’ll assume I have none. Therefore my super heroness would be limited to my wardrobe: a random assortment of shirts (including the coveted “Professional Hitman” shirt), 5 pairs of shoes (each with its own separate function: sneakers, sandals, going out shoes, running shoes, and suit shoes), a few jackets, socks, boxers (2 pair are sponge bob), and a rain jacket.

As you see me super powers here are greatly limited to: Rain Jacket Hit Man. If I don’t show up in the middle of the night to fullfill the mob contract out on you, then I show up during a heavy thunderstorm to protect one innocent denzien of the general populous from the pouring dampness unleashed upon us by the Clouds of Doom (as a super hero everything you say must have looming adjectives placed before it).

Sometimes when I arrive I have a different pair of shoes on and possibly Sponge Bob boxers.

My side kicks of course would be Sock Money (when he is sober), and in the case of the solar ice caps melting Mandrake, my betta fish, would come to the rescue. He eats fish food, which you should have known seeing as he is a fish.

Ugh is the anagram of Hugh, without the extra H

Some people call him Hugh Grant. I call him Ugh Grant. Ugh in this case is synonymous with the phrase “makes you vommit.” Among other things, who goes and picks up a hooker when they are married to Elizabeth Hurley?

If she can’t meet your needs, who can? How pickey can he get? At least on a physical level she should be able to get your attention. 

“Englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain”
Who genuinely thought this was good? The only way this move could have been saved is if he had come down the mountain in an avalanche, or running away from molten lava, or fighting off nazi terrorists with nuclear war heads. Like this (the nazi terrorist are very tiny and hard to see in this picture)…

“Bitter Moon”
This is the only movie I’ve ever watched where I almost literally burned the tape to start the justification of the waste of 2 hours of my precious life. The only way this move could have been vindicated is if they’d marched up the mountain he came down in the previous movie and thrown him, the director, and everyone else involved into the fiery volcano.

“Mickey Blue Eyes”
Ugh Grant plays a bumbling Englishman in the mafia.
Way to save this movie: If they had faded out halfway through the movie and shown The Godfather instead.

“Nine Months”
Ugh Grant plays a bumbling Englishman who has somehow tragically manages to reproduce. The way to save this movie: A super secret subdivision of the CIA dispatches a time travel squad to go back in time and stop Ugh from reproducing. Cameos: the Delorean from Back to the Future (parts 1, 2, and 3)….

Because we all know when we drive 80mph we start to go back in time.

“Two Weeks Notice”
Surprise! Ugh plays a bumbling Englishman. Who can’t even pick out his own clothing without the help of Sandra Bullock, who plays that part of a beautiful and brilliant lawyer. The only way to save this movie is if they’d never made it, or if they’d put it in a bus and called it Speed 3: Bored Again.

On occassion he does get up and accidentally find himself in a good movie (though he is usually playing the part of a less bumbling Enlgishman) such as Notting Hill, Love Actually, and About a Boy. Sirens wasn’t a complete flop… it featured the gorgeous Elle MacPherson.

You Complete Me…

…with eProps and confessions. Thank you to everyone who helped give me my most successful xanga post ever last time. With over 600+ visits and 55 confessions (upon last check) and 14 new subscriptions.

In thanks, I’ve got 7 Google gMail invitations to give away on a first come basis. gMail is a free 1 gigabyte e-mail account. If you’d like one e-mail me. With one of these accounts you can save every piece of spam mail you ever get in your entire life.

Airbus has announced plans for allowing passengers on airline flights to make cell phone calls by 2006. Great, now not only do I have to sit next to you, smell your travel grossness, and move everytime you want to get to the bathroom (this courtesy is going to change to a fee based service soon), we (not just me, but the whole flight) also gets to listen to you have incredibly boring conversations about finger nail polish, doctor’s visits, and how you miss the TV show Friends still on top of “Hello? Hello? I’m on a plane. What?”

Computers fear me, just like Children do.

“If you add 1+1 and get 2, that is perfection. Perfection is a quality of God, so all we ask for is that you try to get close.” - Moh Bilbesi, architecture professor.

In all honesty I don’t feel the average person knows enough to justify their voting choices (including me). This is why I like the electoral college. Speaking of such, this brings up my words for the day…

We live in a republic: A political order in which the supreme power lies in a body of citizens who are entitled to vote for officers and representatives responsible to them.

We do not live in a democracy: A government by the people, exercised directly (ie - no representives)
Note: the phrase “or through elected representatives” is on the end of the definition for democracy, but that would make the democracy technically a republic.

An appellation is “The word by which a particular person or thing is called and known.” It comes from the french “Appelle” as in “Je m’appelle Seth”

Quote:
Have you ever pulled up to one [stoplight] that just changed to red and nobody else is even coming in the other directions, and you think `if that light only knew how useless that last move was.’ I feel smarter than traffic lights.”

Quote:
“How did you like `the Passion’?”
“It was good if you like Jesus.”

Promise Kept

(View of Velez, Spain at night from my window)

A while back I promised Slvrsprks19 a beautiful picture from my trip, so here it is. There are several photos from my trip throughout this blog, and they are all in keeping with that promise because I couldn’t simply pick one.

I would like to thank Chocolatta and Goofyken for informing me about the International Photography contest on campus. When I win heaps of money I will send you both nice thank you cards. If I lose you I will sue both of you for the mental anguish you have caused me…. my sister is a LIP (lawyer in pending) (she is waiting for the results of the BAR, which is a 6 month wait).

Papal Pouring

I think this blog is pretty good seeing as I have no powers of literacy. I outsource all the real writing to my pet Sock Monkey, who is a distant relative of President Eisenhower’s Pet Rock.

I like my hair cut this way because my morning will never be ruined by a hair dryer gone wrong, a hair straighten no longer straightening. And never will I be late again because I had to wait on my curlers to heat up. Plus, if I ever need to be in a soccer riot I am already to go.

(Alhambra in Granada, Spain)

According to the Squirrel Name survey, my screen name converted into squirrelish is Commander McNutt. According to the Gini Index Norway is the place to be, while the USA is the 7th. According to the Olypmics the USA dominates in sports with a whopping 103 medals (35 gold, 39 silver, 29 bronze). And if you are going to challenge a country in a war of athletics you are almost guaranteed to beat Trinidad/Tobago (1 bronze).

At Wal-Mart I discovered they sell Ronald Reagan Memorial Calendars. It features our recently deceased President in various posses forgetting things. Speaking of which, I locked myself out of my room because I forgot to get my keys. So after a great night of poker and Lady’s Night at Joes I got to sleep on the couch. My mom found my digital camera under the stairs at home, which is probably right where I put it.

The carbonated beverage drinking industry has been set on edge with the introduction of Mecca-Cola. One in a thousand bottles contains an original fragment of the Ten Commandments. “Feel the Fizz of Allah.” This seriously is a real product… but I made up the part about the Fizz. There is concern throughout the community that these will be used for a new kind of beverage distribution bomb in which terrorists shake the bottles until they explode and cover everyone in “a sticky yet highly tasty beverage.”

(one of the towers at the Cathedral in Seville, Spain)

Ladies, They aren’t Chip N’ Dale strippers. They are Chip In Dale strippers.

This is a clip from the famous Daily News Show with Jon Stewart. It is funny and sad at the same time.

This is a film clip of the only person in Oklahoma who can drive.

5 things I don’t want, that aren’t disease (don’t want does not mean “can’t afford“): To be digested, an affair, a girl who can’t think, a tattoo, or a sex change operation.

5 things I do want, that aren’t diseases: Large quantities of money, a job that requires me to clean toilets, pilot pen that never runs out, Sun glasses I can’t lose, and a really kick ass aquarium for Mandrake.

Dream a Little Dream of You

(a mountain view of the lake near Los Gomez)

In my American Poetry to 1900 class we were discussing the poem “the Sleepers” by Walt Whitman. Of course this lead to an interesting conversation about dreams. I have never had a dream in which I was naked or embarrassed, while it seemed as though everyone in class had had one of those two before.

Have you ever had a dream about being naked or embarrassed? This is simply a two part yes/no question. It does not require textual details of disturbing images from your dream left as comments to this post (photographs welcomed). We are all aware the internet will simply be one huge technological orgasm someday. For now, I would like to steer clear of that ice glacier.

Subtle Differences

(Yin,my kitten, in his water bowl at the hostel in Granada, Spain)

Note: In the following segment you may be subjected to ideas that bring forth in you a higher level of education in some degree.

I am not a master of words, but I do like to look up and note the differences between certain sets of words and facts about them. For instance, the words black and white can both be traced back to the word for fire. Fire creates smoke, which is black, and ash, which is a whitish/gray. Neat, huh?

The old english word for money is feoh, which literally meant cattle, and is where we get the word fee. The origin of the word pitcher is from the fact that leather jugs were covered in tar pitch to help retain their shapes.

The following definitions are according to Dictionary.com or me, which I ever I thought had a better feel for the underlying issues at hand.

Minister: One who is authorized to perform religious functions in a Christian church, especially a Protestant church

Priest: In many Christian churches, a member of the second grade of clergy ranking below a bishop but above a deacon and having authority to administer the sacraments.

Preacher: One who preaches, especially one who publicly proclaims the gospel for an occupation.

Pastor: A Christian minister or priest having spiritual charge over a congregation or other group. A lay person having spiritual charge of a person or group.

Reverend: Used as a title and form of address for certain clerics in many Christian churches in formality.

Pope: Famous Xangan blogger of the 21st Century…. okay, I made that one up…

DULY: In proper manner or at the expected time
DULLY: Lacking responsiveness or alertness

This information I learned in my Easter Civilization class with Professor Bracy. One of the best teachers I’ve ever had.

Hebrew is a linguistic identity. A Hebrew is not necessarily a Jew.

Jew is a religious identity. A Jew is not necessarily a Hebrew.

Israelite is a political identity. A native or inhabitant of the ancient Northern Kingdom of Israel. There are no more Israelites.

Israeli is a political identity. A native or inhabitant of modern-day Israel.

Zionist is a person belonging to a modern political ideology. Zionism is a movement that arose in the late 19th century in response to growing anti-Semitism and sought to reestablish a Jewish homeland in Palestine. Modern Zionism is concerned with the support and development of the state of Israel. Therefore a Zionist is a person who supports the Zionist Movement

Quote:
bythisfireside: oh dear god.. Captain Planet is coming on!
me: I wonder if this is a good episode .. wait… there are no good episodes of captain planet.

Edit: I am currently reading “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.” When I entered “Harry Potter” in to the Amazon search via Xanga it said “No matches found.” Then when I enetered “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” it listed everything EXCEPT the book, such as posters, pop-up books, and audio tapes.

I Misplace Everything

I hereby offer you proof that at the age of 23 my mind is almost gone (as if this blog wasn’t enough proof already): I offer you my first ever comic strip posted on Xanga (and probably only), which was drawn when I was bored on my airplane flight back from europe. I can’t draw real people, but I can draw dinosaurs, cavemen, and meteorites. This limits my subjects, but I tried (and possibly prevailed)…

If that isn’t proof enough, then how about this…
This weekend I found ten dollars. Then I forgot where I put it. Then I found it.
Then I forgot where I put my Playstation memory card. Then I found it.
Then I forgot where I put my Student ID. Then I Found it.
Then I forgot where I put my digital camera. And I haven’t found it yet (it is at home somewhere).

If you see me curled up in the local gutter some night, please take me in because it probably means I’ve forgotten where I should be. Or if you see me wandering circles behind the counter in Taco Mayo it means I think I’m in Mexico.

Flip Side

The last post featured a collage of me, and as many observant people noticed all the pictures were taken holding the camera in my right hand. I took a picture of me using my left hand from the same angle. But because I don’t know where my digital camera is you’ll have to settle for another collage that has been turned in Photoshop.

Buffalo are the Future

“In the early 1990 a group of environmentally conscientious animators tried to make a difference to how kids saw the world around them.

The premise was simple: the sprit of the earth Gaia (voiced by Whoopie Goldberg) gets 5 kids representative of 5 different ethnic groups who would unite and call upon an eco-system protecting superhero. Or as the opening credits put it “she gave 5 magic rings to 5 special young people” when the power of the rings combined they called Captain Planet.”

In other words: In 1990 a group of social recluses suicide their careers. Thanks to the modern miracle of syndication while staying up late Sunday night I was able to see the show once again (this was not the goal of staying up late, but rather a horrible side effect).

The medical side effect equivalent of watching Captain Planet would be amputation from the neck down followed by being ignited. AllThatYouWanted happened to be up and we were chatting and watching the same channel….

bythisfireside: how DO you stop cows from eating?
me: umm… eat them first?
me: ah… we’re in suspense until the commercials are over.
me: what do you think will happen? I bet they call for captain planets help and win in the end.
bythisfireside: I dunno.. it’s questionable.
bythisfireside: i think i’ve seen that one.
bythisfireside: the one where they call him and they win and all..
me: how come those damn kids can’t do anything on their own? they always abuse their friendship. I guarantee if captain planet didn’t always make things right they wouldn’t hang out with him. He is such a super hero tool.
bythisfireside: he is a tool.
me: no fair, you are way ahead of me, having seen it before and such.

Yes, the cartoon dealt with the threat of over grazing the world’s cattle land. “Shit your pants excitement,” would be a highly inaccurate description. If you didn’t stay up then you missed out is the bottom line.

As if children weren’t freaked out enough about things, this show fosters a fear in children about cattle over grazing land. And it created a discrimination against cattle. The show wholey promoted Buffalo as the future of grazing (or the aryan race of quadruped grazing animals) because they naturally won’t over graze land.

All was redeemed though as Transformers: Energon came on afterwards. There was nothing about stupid cattle over grazing. Hell, it didn’t even feature humans. All great entertainment truely needs is massive amounts of robots transforming and shooting thousands of laser guns at each other while battling for precious resources. There was no room for puny humans. They would have been crushed by robot giganticness.

Everything is Downhill from Here

I have reached the zenith of my life in. My sheets, curtain, bath towel, and hand towel all match each other in color and cleanliness. No longer does my room seem to be decorated by a color blind person making a patch work quilt out of sun faded fabrics and carpet samples.

Tomatos seem to be getting smaller and smaller. Tomatos used to be big. Then they introduced grape tomatos. Now at the KD cafeteria they have even smaller tomatos. I guess we should call them mirco-matos. Soon tomatos will only be several atoms in dimension.

The difference between assume and presume:
Presume is to arrive at a conclusion. ex: I presume Tomatos will someday be invisible.
Assume is to achieve power or possession of. ex: I have assumed complete univeral power.
And please, no stupid “Assume is when you make an ass out of you and me.” Wow, You repeated someone else’s phrase, and the phrase was never funny in the first place!

Quote:
“It sucks that you might actually have better looking legs than me”.

Quote:
“Anytime you decided to tell a story about Europe, I am going to interupt and tell a boring story about my summer first. Not to ruin it for you, but the first one is about me getting poison ivy.”