Where were you when the Firemen came?

When the firemen arrived I was on the couch sleeping, because not only did I experience a host of new things in my first week at Boston I also was slightly sick.When the firemen came to the house to see why the O’Brien’s furnace was billowing out smoke I never even woke up.

Me: The snow was soooo deep.
You: How deep was it?

 
These two photos are taken looking at the same chunk of yard (but from different views of the yard). As you can see it went from a few inches to 3 feet overnight.

Here is Becca after we got our snow shoes on. “Yukon ho” we were, like Calvin and Hobbes. I’d never tried snow shoes before. These would have been better had they been wider.We pretty much sank like the Titanic, but without the crappy soundtrack. Packed snow, such as the ten foot pile of plowed snow, was perfect for snow shoes though.

Tidbits of Brain

1.) The great song from the video clip in the last post happens to be the number one dance song in the world right now, but as we don’t live in Europe we wouldn’t know this. However, after a little investigating I’ve tracked down the information (it is available on iTunes)…

Title: Mai Ai Hee
Arist: O-Zone

2.) The only bread available in the super market was “low carb,” which is a stupid concept… low carb-carbs? The only people buying “low carb” bread are people cheating the diet. Quit ruining the carbs I love!

3.) At birth all women are given stock in two companies: De Beers Diamonds, the company the supplies florists. This is why all women want diamonds and flowers. Both very over priced things.

4.) When a girl receives flowers I am pretty sure she has the following thought…
“How sweet. He paid an exorbitant amount of cash for flowers that will wilt in a matter of hours. I bet my stock went up. At the next board meeting we’ll raise the price of roses.”

5.) I bought tickets to see Jim Gaffigan at a local comedy club. I’ll try to not pee my pants from laughing so hard. I finally live in a place where I can go skiing every weekend.

6.) This person’s camera obviously has a digital camera with a longer battery life.

Jebus Hates You

Good grief, I am going to start smiting stupid Christians across the planet…

(CNN) “The wacky square yellow SpongeBob is one of the stars of a music video due to be sent to 61,000 U.S. schools in March. The makers — the nonprofit We Are Family Foundation — say the video is designed to encourage tolerance and diversity.”

We all know how much God and Jesus hate tolerance and diversity. I am not sure what Bible these people read, but apparently in their’s it is more Quentin Tarantino/John Woo inspired and Jesus runs around blowing up sinners, kicking the asses of poor people, beating alcoholics, and only dining with the non-tolerant and non-diverse. Yea, I’m pretty sure they are right - I mean, Jesus can’t have been serious about the “Love one another” thing. How gay is that? And we all know Jesus hates gay things, so he can’t possibly have really meant it. Remember, a real god is a god of wrath.

And in Georgia a federal judge ruled last Thursday (13 January) that the stickers saying that evolution is “a theory, not a fact” added to the front of high school science books were an unconstitutional endorsement of religion. I am in agreement on this one, especially given the context in which the stickers were purchased and placed.

My First Interview

I landed two interviews after being here for thirty six hours, which delighted me of course. The first interview was today for STA Travel for the position of travel advisor. I want this job desperately base on this equation:
base salary + uncapped commission + bonus + benefits + travel discounts = yes

Ground Rules

Before proceeding we need to establish a few ground rules about the Big Interview Day. An asterisk means this is an important rule for your wedding, a carrot means it is important for your funeral.

First, we need to establish ground rules about your the Big Interview Day.
*1.) The day must go perfect.
^*2.) For it to be good you need to be there on time.
*3.) You should be sober enough to pass a breath-alyzer.
*4.) Sell yourself like a high dollar prostitute.
^5.) Unlike a prostitute, afterwards send a thank you card for the chance to interview.
*^6.) Wear clothing.

8:00am to 12:20am - Ate breakfast, ironed outfit, showered, shaved, got dressed, put on hat and ipod and took nifty picture for blog later, wasted left over time on Xanga, then made quesadillas for lunch.

12:20pm to 1:15pm - Headed out the door. Rebecca started the car engine and start cleaning the six inches of snow off the car, and then we managed to lock ourselves out of the car. Next Rebecca called (left picture) the ICC (Incompetent Cab Company) who had to call back to ask for directions to our street while I tried to see if I could get in through the trunk. Then I called and explained to Rich the situation and politely ask to move the interview to 1:30. Thankfully rich is a very understanding man. I jumped in the cab at 1:00 only to have this conversation…

Me: “65 Mountain Auburn St.” (or something like that)
Cabbie: “Where is that?”
Me: “That is your job.”

The saving grace is Rich the nicest guy ever, and I completely kicked ass in the interview. I should know Monday if I got the job or not. Hopefully tomorrow goes much smoother, because I have an interview for junior computer technician at 1:00pm.

Note: There is a spare key for the car… on John’s key chain, in his pocket, in his pants, on John in New York City.

After Interview Adventures

That is of course my cool hat and Rebecca’s cool hat in Harvard Square. The cafe in the background is in Good Will Hunting. In good weather chess masters set up at the picnic tables and will gladly kick your ass for $2 a game. I’ve played one and lost miserably. Then I realized what a waste of money it was.

After this we went and saw the movie “Closer,” which once again proves Natalie Portman’s acting ability and her beauty. Wow. Then I found this flyer, which reminded me of the bum on New Year’s Eve…

The Perfect Word

Andrew found a great word to describe me: Dromania (hopefully worth another point) To save you time, it means: an uncontrollable impulse to wander or travel.

And on a separate note which doesn’t deserve its own heading:..

American Journalism is at an all time low. Bush is a crappy President (in my opinion). He is not a saint (fact), so don’t frame him as though he is Christ from a Renaissance painting. I vomited a little in my mouth when I saw this. Outside of a good marriage, this man has no morals. I lied. I vomited a lot. I used to read this publication a lot, however a picture like this is so revolting I doubt I ever will again - that is how pissed off it got this laid back (not laid) guy.

Something to make you laugh… after you comment

Big City, Big Blog

Boston is great. Here is a brief run down about this wonderful city…

1.) Boston is big. Close your eyes and imagine something big. That is Boston.
2.) Boston is cold. When I woke up yesterday it was at absolute zero on the Calvin scale, which is similar to the Kelvin scale, but entirely made up by me and holds no scientific bearing other than #3.
3.) I am always right about the temperature.
4.) I have not had to ninja-chop any taxi driver. I’m zero for one.
5.) Romantic walks along the beach: turn on.
6.) The ninjas here are the same color, but they dress warmer and say throwing staa
7.) Tonight is Rebecca’s turn to wash the dishes.
8.) The apartment upstairs is being remodeled - imagine a dinosaur practicing for the marching band.
9.) When I step outside and see the snow I think of the lyrics “Step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the contrast of white on white.”

That is a good summary of Boston, and I hope it satisfied your curiosity.It is good to be here, and I’ve been spending my time job hunting, which is annoying because I have no patience. But when I they do call I’m going to accept every job and do them all at once, that way I can earn like $23042093840823048 an hour… or more likely $0.23042093840823048. If you’re reading this and happen to the resigning CEO of a Fortune 500 company, simply name me as your successor and I’ll give you some link love.

To Pawn or not to Pawn

Last week my friends made me realize I should move more often, because when they know you are going out of town they will do anything to entertain you. It is like the Make-A-Wish foundation, but without the sappy music and cancer. They also give gifts. Originally I typed an emoticon after that, then I realized how many of my morals and ethics  that would break. People also said many great things about me, which went straight to my ego.

Thanks to everyone who gave me a gift…

Hat that fits from Anna
America - A Citizen’s Guide to Inaction, by Jon Stewart and company. From Matt
The Dharma Bums, by Jack Kerouac. From Gwynn
A new journal - By me. From Gwynn
5 pounds of Pecans - Autumn
An assortment of candy, picture frame, stationary etc… from Bonnie.
Nintendo 64, by Nintendo. From Chris.
Kick in the Ass - From Anonymous (they ran before I could turn around).

See, if you had given me a gift your name would be on that list. It isn’t that I am being selfish, rather I am think of you. I want you to have the glory of having your name on this wonderful blog. You still can by sending me obscene amounts of cash (not obscene gestures) or booze. If you send both, I’ll move to your city and live in a cardboard box on the street of your choosing (you must provide box).

Pictures of Adventures with Underwear Off

Pictures of Adventures with Underwear On

I cannot personally vouch that everyone in the following pictures has their underwear on. However, I did, and everyone at least had their pants on, which made things okay.

 
Everyone should have gotten on one side of the picture and I could have done the big hands thing, but we didn’t think of that. This was our outing entitled “to the Olive Garden and then Ice Skating,” later renamed to the working title “to the Olive Garden, then everyone gets lost on the way to the skating rink, then CJ’s car breaks down, and no skating.“

Oh, and we crammed nine people in Anna’s car (while parked), but I knew my arm would be removed at my neck if I’d taken a flash photo with a eight other people that close to the flash. I was especially happy everyone had their underwear on at that moment.

The skating part of the trip was replaced with wine. We drank the wine brought back from Europe for Tyler. The red wine was particularly good.

Before and After proof that we are all bibulous at heart. For the record, her eyes aren’t naturally red (left photo)but we added it for dramatic affect (And i get 1 point for using the word “bibulous”).

Someone had to serve as bar-wench, and who better than Tyler?

Not much to say, except snazzy hand gesture, Bass. And holy crap - Chris isn’t wearing black!

Alan barefoot and in the kitchen where he always thought he’d find a wife, which is especially hard to do since no women live at our place. If they did they would avoid the National Research Lab for Growing New Life and Things that Produce Odd Odors known as the “kitchen.”

 
Then there was the Philadelphia Steamer Pipe Exploration Expedition. We explored the steam tunnels under OSU. The coolest thing we found, other than some empty beer cans, was a light switch that turned all the lights on and off in the tunnels. After this we followed an expedition to the twin peaks of mount Kilimanjaro. We also found mud.

Tyler demonstrates where not to get mugged: the Emergency Light that is “Temporarily out of order.“

Bonnie and I obviously get our shirts from the same place. Drummond seven.

Our great discoveries at Hastings…
1.) A book entitled “Pitching my Tent” - always good for a seventh grade maturity moment.
2.) Then we re-discovered the group that changed the world. Without NKOTB there would be no $0.49 cassette tape market.

“One tooth pick cool. Two tooth picks - looking like a dick” - Eddie Izzard
This rule obviously applies to hats, unless you are a two headed monster.

Kylie and I took a road trip to OKC to pick up her friend Marty from the airport.We iPodded the whole way down, and when we got back watched Garden State. Then we realized I have to move to Boston in order to let Natalie Portman meet me once.

If you think my smoking is bad, then watch out for my mouse habits. I’m down to a five pack a day. Who the hell needs to buy five at a time?

Boston Bound

“Lover, I’m on the street gonna go where the bright lights and the big city meet.” - U2, Desire. The picture above is the skyline of Boston which will be my new home as of January 17th, and I will be its pulse. Yes, I’m moving (and rather quickly).

Timing never has been my strongest suit, which is why I am not hesitating to move in with my sister while the chance exists. Besides, I could use a dose of the real world, and in a worst case scenario I have a great two month vacation in Boston. Who couldn’t use that? Besides, they get real snow and I am aching to peg someone.

Leaving my friends here is tough. It will be strange not hanging out, stealing quotes, eating dinner and watching DVDs. Some of you I will never see after this point. Hopefully we will all think of each other. Some of you I will get to meet because I move to Boston. Once I get settled there is an open invitation to visit (length of stay is proportional to how much I like you).

As for Anna, I’ve always noticed her. This semester offered a chance to get to know each other better. She graduates in spring, heads to Spain this summer, then starts her Peace Corps duty. It is tough for me to forfeit the last of the time she will be in the states for years. And I won’t have time to further strengthen the friendships I’ve made with her friends. I’m glad Reese arrived at OSU, but too bad only to catch me on the way out.

Making Your Own Fire Place (or why Bork is always doing Laundry)

As winter makes its feeble attempt to arrive in Oklahoma (it is 60 out still) we all turn our thoughts to two things: the muppets and fire places. Nothing is more romantic than sitting in front of a fire place (rather than in a fire place), but most of us don’t have fire places and can’t legally have real fires in our rooms. Follow these steps to have your own legal fire place in 3 easy steps…

1.) Get a cardboard box and label it “Fire place” because nothing else spells it as well.You may want to add appropriate warnings too. See, I put this sticker on mine to avoid possibly injury and lawsuits.

2.) Insert warm laundry in the “Fire place.” It is acceptable to fold the firewood or to simply throw it in the box for that last-minute look of spontaneity.

(it should now look something like this)
3.) Bask in the warmth and make sweet love. This is the important step, and sounds a lot like step 2. See, I told you this is why she is always doing her and Bili’s laundry. Watch out or you will have to wash the clothes again.

Cluttered Things…

If you’re chatting with me and I’m a bit slow to respond, please realize I’m usually chatting to several people at once, working on blog ideas, surfing the internet, listening to iTunes, and editing in photoshop. Hence my screen looks like the picture above, which looks a lot like my mirror…

Edit: 6:26pm - I can leave comments to a zillion people, then I look at the list on the side of the page and realize I’ve only visited a fraction of the sites. Damn,

Filling the Void in My Life

The best presents are the ones you didn’t expect, couldn’t guess, and you absolutely wanted though it never would have occured to ask for it (examples: vodka or a Bible).These gifts don’t come along very often, but this year Anna snagged me one of those Ultimate Gifts Ever…

Good bye religion! Hello hat! (it is a little small - but it is going to be exchanged for a properly fitting one.)

Assassins and Ladies of the Night

Surely the future holds a matching tommy gun to go a long with the hat. Then I can stat a branch of the Mafia in Stillwater, Oklahoma. According to the Underground Syndicated Times Daily “No city in this country is in more need of an organized crime syndicate than Stillwater.” This gift, and the next one to be talked about, are stepping stones to meeting the dire needs of the town and my dreams.

Any respectable crime syndicate runs a shady underground series of gambling operations. John’s gift of Poker chips perfectly inset with the theme of the hat. Next is to start recruiting body guards and those sexy Speak-Easy girls. And to do this I need to know how to swoon the ladies, win them over, and endear them to me. I need the powers of speech and power of dance and the power to protect my empire. Hence the purchases of these movies…

The Best Movies Ever Mentioned in Today’s Post

If you need to master the charm of words then look no farther than Ron Burgundy - a true lady’s man.

If you can’t win a woman over with words win her over with dance moves. While she is watching you dance, hire someone to slip a ruffie in her drink sealing the deal.

For the ultimate in gun combat you need to watch the ultimate gun combat movie. It has better chracters, dialog, actors, fight scenes, and a tighter plot (Fahrenheit 451 + A Brave New World + 1984 = Equilibrium) than the Matrix. I only rented this, but it will be my next DVD purchase.

How much did I like Equilibrium? Instead of buying the Matrix and Equilibrium I’ll simply buy two copies of Equilibrium.

And now you’ll have to excuse me as I go and reply to each comment left on the last post. It set me a record (106 in about 24 hours). But I can’t let my Xanga obligations slip by any longer. Here I come on a comment vengance! Oh, and in my last post the shirt I’m wearing says “Blue Angels” and on the back is my jersey number (i’m #1). It is from the local Stillwater community softball league I played on.