Monday June 27, 2005 35
Quote:
Me: “Can I have the airplane pretzels you don’t eat?”
Jamie: “No, I’ll eat them.”
Me: “No, by definition you can’t eat the ones you don’t eat. Can I have them?”
Note: I’ll update the banner when I get off work
Newton’s Fall
I can tell it is a great day because I already learned something today. What have you learned?
I learned a refrigerator plummeting 25 feet makes the coolest *THUMP* ever and leaves a neat impression in the grass. Our neighbors are renovating their third floor apartment. It is neat because they are throwing everything off the back balcony, but it would be nice if they had left the food in the fridge and the ceremony had commenced after my alarm had gone off and not at 7am.
Ladies, you can learn a lot from our neighbor’s wife. She knows how to get things done. Thanks to the directional microphone we know the conversation last night went as follows…
Wife: “I’d like to renovate the apartment, Dear.”
Husband: “Lets talk about it tomorrow.” (said very monotone)
Wife: *thinks for a minute* “I’ll let you push the old stuff off the balcony.”
As the sentence was leaving her lips he jumped out of bed and ran for the nearest house hold object. A man’s brain automatically creates lists for such an occasion because we’re optimistic creatures. If you had asked him in what order he is throwing things off he could list everything in order without hesitation. She then had to tackle and convince him 1:30am was not an appropriate time to start the renovation.
Ladies, when you want him to carry the new refrigerator and appliances up to the third floor it is time to pick up the Victoria’s Secret or Fredrick’s of Hollywood and ask for his credit card.
Lemonade is not my job, it is my duty
I am starting a lemonade stand and am letting people sit on our balcony and watch the neighbor demonstrate gravity with the house hold objects for $1.00 a head. Admission includes one drink. To save on overhead costs I bought this stand from the former owner, pictured above with said stand, for some french francs I had left over before the switch to the Euro.
In Oklahoma (said with a nice southern drawl) we dropped junked out computers off the Cimarron bridge and bombarded them from above with bowling balls we purchased for $1 a piece at a garage sale. It was our civic duty, not our job.
France would have the largest economy in the world if they allowed tourists to throw any object you could carry up off the Eiffel Tower for $5 per pound. Lines would be of such proportion multiple Eiffel Towers would be constructed to meet the demand. I’ve mentioned this before and will continue to do so until the plan is implemented.
