Exxxxxcccuse Me

Wednesday I headed to the student union for lunch. I get in the Chic-fil-a line, which isn’t horribly long yet. For those of you who don’t know, this line can get long enough that you need a Canadian visa in order to get to the back. At the front of the line I can see people cutting. When I get to the front there will be no cutting. I’m finally at the front and the line behind me has grown long. There are plenty of packs of chicken nuggets up for grabs, but I’m waiting for a chicken sandwich to be put up for grabs. As I’m waiting a girl tries to cut…

Me: “You need to go to the back of the line.”
Her: “I just want chicken nuggets.”
Me: “Maybe someone else in line does too. Have you asked them?”
Her: “I’m a fifth year. I am not waiting in line for this.”

Exxxxcccuse me, I didn’t know it, but apparently this bitch is important and she forgeot to tell everyone. Second, if we’re going by senority then I should be using her as a door mat and she should be thankful. I weighed the actions of a sucker punch to her face. Sixty seconds later Terrel Harris (starter basketball player) walks up…

Me: “You need to go to the back of the line.”
Him: “I just want chicken nuggets.”
Me: “Maybe someone else in line does too. Have you asked them?”

I am not bigger, faster, or stronger than Terrel, but I am a better person. However, I do know he can kick my ass, so I let him take his precious nuggets. Then I went and founded the “Terrel Harris is a line cutting SOB” facebook group. Please feel free to join it. I invite him to it everyday.

Terrel Harris is a basketball player, and he represents OSU on a national level. This man should not be cutting in line for any reason. I’m pretty sure he is athletically fit to stand in line. Our university wastes money on these guys left and right. For instance, did you know there is an academic helper assigned to these guys? Yes, and the job consists - I kid you not - of calling these “athletes” to make sure they complete their homework, wake up on time, and attend tests.

I Came Too Soon So I Came Back

It is good to be back at OSU. Back with friends. Back to class. No more intense laboring on a roof in New Orleans humidity. Roofing was featured on the show “Dirty Jobs” and for good reason: it is a dirty job. At the end of a work day in New Orleans we were drenched in sweat. Pretend you just swam, fully dressed, in a vat of sweat for ten hours.

After such a long interlude from Xanga it is hard to decide what to write about first. For instance, I could write about a front loader and her bull dozer child cuddling on Washington Street. There is a small pocket sized notebook beside me bursting with ideas, but I still have no feel for where to start. I will say that I took down the tic-tac-toe board because it moves to rapidly to constantly keep updated, where as chess play is slower.

I Came As An Experiment

An opportunity presented itself to me the other day, and I took it. I can’t reveal too much about it, but I will say this… I am conducting the best kind of experiment. A secret experiment, and by that I mean a pratical joke at the expense of a friend. When he or she becomes aware of it, I’ll reveal it to you all. Until then, you must wait in suspense. Today is known as Day 3.

Of course after arriving back to OSU I did what everyone should have done last Friday night. I went to the movie extravaganza of the year: Snakes On A Plane. This movie is great because it doesn’t try to hide how horrible it is by using made up reviews such as “This years most fantastic movie”, “The best movie about snakes to come out this year”, “Samuel L. Jackson yells a lot”. In fact, the title explains everything you could want to know… What is the plot? Where does it take place? Who/what is the enemy? Will it be good? This was obviously crafted by the hands responsible for other great movies such as Casablanca, Speed 2, and Citizen Kane.

You may be wondering how poor the acting and writing was. Something this bad but so entertaining could only have been written by George Lucas. The actors were all from the School of Hayden Christensen Makes Me Vomit. The entire movie was aching for Samuel to pull out his lightsaber and slew a few snakes.

Slew. Slewn. Slewned.

After seeing the first ten minutes of this movie it is apparent the title should have been “Snakes Biting My Crotch!” I’d put more exclamation marks on that, but if you are being bitten in the crotch by a snake heavy usage of exclamation marks is implied. If a snake were biting your crotch would you you take the time to type a lot of exclamation marks? Left over footage from the movie will be mixed in to a documentary entitled “Every Place A Snake Could Ever Bite You”. It goes back to the Monty Python “Castle of Arrrrrrrr” argument.

I Came As A Mall Rat

While in New Orleans I had the pleasure of downloading and watching all of Kevin Smith’s movies. The man is a comedic genius. For those of you who haven’t seen Clerks 2, you should. It was also the first time I saw the movie Mall Rats, which I’d have enjoyed more back in junior high when that kind of humor was funnier.

Speaking or rodents, Tomo discovered mouse droppings. (To avoid confusion, the rodent in the last sentence was the mouse and not Tomo.) Finding mouse droppings isn’t an achievement, but mice in our house is a call to arms, which I think would best be fought with an adorable kitten.

The mice are due to the fact that a certain roommate likes to pile dirty dishes in the sink until someone else does them. My solution: next time the sink is full, I put those dirty dishes in that roommate’s room. If I can’t fill a glass of water at the sink, then I am moving those dishes - including anything in or on them - directly to that person’s bed. I’ll take a picture and post it.

I like for things to be clean. Especially kitchens. Why in the world you would want to maintain a filthy kitchen, much less eat from it, is beyond me. Besides, isn’t it embarrassing to have a filthy kitchen? Yet, I know several people who are completely inept at cleaning anything. Interestingly these people all tend to come from homes where the parents did little cleaning. Oh well.

I finally decided the band Pavement is a combination of Ben Kweller mated with Lou Reed.