Quote: “And while the cousins were playing kickball, my little sister dove face first into my grandma’s rose bush. One of the greatest thanksgiving kickball moments of all time.” - Cijorda

Form Study 2

Form Study 2, ink

Preparing form studies is easy, but inking them is an endeavour that is time consuming + boring. But as time progresses I become more efficient at finding time to finish the art I’ve started. This study is less racy than the last. I particularly like the right hand side of her face (our right, not her right). I also like chocolate donuts.

Apples, Oranges, and Dictators

For the most part, I never write about work on my blog. I don’t want a future employer to see my blogging as a potential liability. But I have no qualms writing about professors. As a student, that professor is earning money provided by each student. If you bought a bad mirrored disco-ball, you’d probably rant about it. And when I get a disrespectful teacher, I write about him or her.

In one of my classes we’re required to download a specific piece of software. According to the syllabus it is called “Apples“. I couldn’t get the download to work, so I sent the professor an e-mail and kindly asked her to explain the download in class again. Yesterday she entered class and harshly declared “I’ll explain this one more time. But I won’t waste any more time on it. It isn’t my fault if you don’t write down the directions.”

Obviously this class has a great professor with a great attitude. Perhaps Joseph Stalin had been the “Role Model of the Day” on her daily calendar. I dunno. For the record, I had written down the directions the first time. The class is boring, I had nothing better to do, and I didn’t have time to start a top notch doodle. She re-demonstrated the download, and I immediately recognized the problem…

Me: “Oh, you showed us how to download Oranges, but in the syllabus it states to download Apples.” (both pieces of software exist and are available on the same webpage, but the apples download does not work)
Stalin: “No. I did not.”
Me: “It is right here in the syllabus.” (I had a copy with me)
Castro: “It does not state that in the syllabus. You will not argue with me about it.”
Me: “I’m not argui…” (I’m trying to point out an error that will save her a lot of hassle if she’d shut up and listen)
Kim Jung-Il: “Yes, you are.”

Feeling humiliated, I wanted to explode and say “I didn’t sign up for kindergarten. I signed up for a class. Your crappy attitude should be dropped at the door. I am trying to point out your mistake to save you trouble. I am right, and you are going to say it.”

Instead I bit my tongue and proved her wrong after class. Not only did she make the error once in the syllabus. She never got it correct anywhere in the syllabus. She messed it up six or seven times on the first page alone! I showed her this and magically her stance changed to “Oh, I didn’t think you were arguing with me. But you know how some students are. blah blah blah.”

Too late lady. Follow the advice I gave to Gary England, because you can’t save yourself. Every time I see her, I’ll laugh and think “Remember that time I was right and you acted stupid. Oh yea!”

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Thanks to CirtusGummiBear’s secret ninja connections, Monday night I gathered with other secretive figures in the dark and rang Old Central’s bell to celebrate the OSU men’s basketball victory over OU. I didn’t know the tradition of ringing the bell with each bedlam victory even existed.

As I headed to Old Central, I walked on the grass that bordered the edge of the sidewalks, which had a well placed layer of frictionless death (aka ice) on them. Of course, this meant I discovered my neighbors super secret mud puddle of icy doom. The perfectly placed puddle soaked my right shoe + sock + foot + shin. While I waited in my cold, soggy sock, I wrote “Pope” in big letters around Old Central. To avoid fines, I spelled with my foot and not my urine or anybody else’s.

After I waited ten or fifteen minutes, the cavalry arrived (which is much different from having Calvary arrive). Someone unlocked the door, and we all rushed inside and took turns ringing the bell. I declared it “more fun than Church!” Except, in honesty, I enjoy Church a lot more and it doesn’t require stepping in mud puddles.

Quote: “The difference between rape and seduction is salesmanship.” -Bill Carpenter, Mayor of Independence, MO, 1990

Stack My Fruit

Not to take a harsh turn at the start, but Gary England can smoke my pole. I didn’t want to spend the weekend playing in the snow, having snowball fights, creating snowmen, pushing over crappy snowmen, and drinking hot chocolate. For those of you who don’t know, Gary England is Oklahoma’s premier meteorologist. He had promised us five to ten inches of snow this weekend. Instead we got a bunch of crappy rain.

As I wrote this post, I started thinking about stackable foods (no, there weren’t better things to think about). For instance, pancakes, pizza, steaks, and boxes of wine all stack. Shouldn’t there be more stackable foods? Where are the stackable fruits and vegetables? According to me, the surgeon general, and some imagined calculations, the U.S. Economy alone loses $815.6 billion in misused freezer space each year.

Then I realized an ironic fact. Wine in a Box is the number one cause of Winos in a Box. Two similar but different products. Technically one is a product and the other is a byproduct. Advertisers should hone in on this similarity. The theme for the ads would be “It doubles as your new home,” or “Upgrade your home.” Here is my concept work up:

Excuse me, I’d like to contract one of everything

On occasion, as I wander about campus as a computer technician and fix faculty computers, I encounter a squirrel or a good story. Recently I had to repair a computer diagnosed as “running unusually slow.” It turned out to be the poster child for not downloading stupid crap off the internet. It took over five hour to run the virus scan. If the computer were a prostitute, its stories would make the sex lives of Madonna or Kareem Abdul Jabar look non-existent. Here is a screen shot of the virus scan:

Rule #1.) Underwear is a Number One Priority

Today on Court TV, they examined the lives of a rich Palm Beach Couple. The husband had an affair, which his wife discovered when she found a pair of women’s underwear (without the woman in them), that didn’t belong to her, in the house, that did belong to her. After the husband and his lover romped around, how did the lover forget she’d had underwear? What kind of crazy, mad sex makes you forget that you had underwear when you started? And where do the rest of us sign up for it?

I do have to stress that if you can’t remember that you arrived with underwear on, then you don’t have the organizational skills to hide an affair.

Quote:
“This Batman shaped chicken and Noodles is great. Justice never taste as good as this.” -Me

Note: If the videos below don’t work, then find them directly at YouTube here.

Papacy Entertainment Network

Not only did I catch a nasty virus on New Years, but last week my recovering immune system decided to contract strep-throat. Two weeks. Two diseases. Perhaps I’ve started a trend for the year? So, if you’ve got something nasty and would like me to contract and blog about it, please head on over to:

My Place
c/o Center for Disease Control
Stillwater, OK 74075-876-5309

The doctor prescribed amoxicillin and some hydrocodine because the Xacto Blade Corporation sponsored this bout in my throat. While you all froze in the ice storm that struck, I baked at a toasty 101.4 degrees. I became my own personal fire place. I passed the time napping, cartoons, a dinosaur coloring book, a pirate coloring book, Batman shaped chicken and noodle soup, and iTunes.

With the free time provided, I tumbled through files on my computer, uploaded them to YouTube, and now present them for your entertainment. Note, if you saved a copy of the “One is the Loneliest Number” kid, please send it to me. I lost the video and am not sure if Jamie still has the original USB keychain.

Derrick Miller Dancing to “I Touch Myself”

A previous resident of Kerr 4, Derrick filmed this and unknowingly shared it on the network. Of course, being a true friend I snagged it and shared it. Since then he has graduated, and I feel no campus harm can come to him from sharing the clip now. The ending is classic choreography.

I think he may actually be the man in the Manatee outfit on the Conan O’Brien show.

Europeans Still Can’t Dance

Shot on Bastille Day in southern France, this video clip proves that Europeans have the best time dancing. Even if they look absurd. As long as they keep making cheese and wine, I don’t care.

My Yoda Impression

Shot on a Canon PowerShot S200, the video and audio are equal in poor quality. However, you can barely make out the long strips of green construction paper I taped to my head for this shot. It features dialogue by George Lucas and a cameo by my feather pillow, aka demi-god of Comfort.

Current Chess Game:

Started: July 12th, 2006
Opponent: Kirlynz
Date of Last Move: Jan. 21st, 2007

Note: One contribution to the duration of this game is that no one took up my chess challenge (issued July 12th) until about November).

1.) e4, e5
2.) Nf3, Bd6
3.) d4, Nc6
4.) Bc4, Pxd4
5.) Nxd4

Quote: “Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?”
-George W. Bush, Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

The Christmas it Snowed Ice-Nine

I had an amazing Winter Break (complete with the proper abuse of not updating the yule tide blog). Not only did I get to spend it with friends and family, but I also spent it with Kurt Vonnegut. Yes, The Kurt Vonnegut. Everyone enjoys Christmas. And we all appreciate the gifts given. However, we have to admit some gifts stand out more than others (for instance: Sock Monkey, syringe, or the black fedora). This year I scored a nicely framed and matted, numbered and autographed self-portrait of Mr. Vonnegut. My karass is complete. Every day Kurt and I say a few words. He reads digg.com over my shoulder.

Ever since I wrote this post I’ve kept a list of the UCGPCGM (Ultimate Christmas Gifts People Can Give Me). (In no particular order):
1.) Autographed self-portrait of Kurt Vonnegut
2.) Sock Monkey
3.) Fedora
4.) Robot
5.) Beatrice Arthur (or a Robot that thinks it is Beatrice Author)
6.) The better half of Canada (Quebec people. It is Quebec)

As we can tell three of the six gifts have been eliminated. By de facto family and friends have recognized the legitimacy of my demands and have shown their intentions of getting me either B. Arthur or a Robot. Obviously, if they get me one of those, I can use her/it to conquer Quebec. Either way, in one year I’ll post pictures of me riding whichever.

New Year’s Party at the Vomitorium

Barnes and Nobles.

I’m reading Aidan the book “Stuff on my cat,” a book filled with pictures of common household items stacked on top of cats. Items included other cats, cat food, boxes of donuts, and even 14 couch cushions. Nothing delights a small child more than knowing that when he is an adult he can continue to put things on cats and make a living at it.

Nothing upsets an uncle more than knowing he missed out on an amazing career. However, I have decided to write a book called “Stuff on My Neighbor’s Barking Dog” or “How Much Stuff I Put on the Neighbor’s Dog Before It Quit Barking.”

I’m not sure why we decided to visit my sister and her husband in Kansas City while their youngest child had a virus, but we should have known better. “We’ve got immune systems! Ha!” we shouted as we drove across the flat the boredom known as Kansas. Thursday we arrived and Aidan continued to be sick. We avoided him and played with Kiera. Friday Kiera became sick, so we avoided both children. Saturday Eddie (their dad) became sick. Sunday morning we packed, fled the containment zone, and arrived in Stillwater in time for me to puke up a vital organ and three-quarters of a large pepperoni pizza at the Sangre Ridge bank (southwest corner, by the grass).

Though sick, I managed to have a little fun on New Year’s Eve. Laying on the couch under a layer of blankets I made Yoda ears and did an impression. There is even a video clip where I have Yoda ears taped to my head. But the Xanga video server is spastic retard and won’t convert the video properly. Perhaps the next post will feature the video clips properly converted.