Quote: “The stand-up comedian and the girl in the monkey suit are who make out. I don’t think I’ve ever said that before.” - Laura, on the opportunities of speech that the Tila Tequila reality show provide.

I am back in my home town, roofing for my father, until I leave for San Francisco on June 2nd. (I’ve been busy, and today I managed to setup my computer. Goodness, I miss Xanga when I’m busy). Anyways, I’d head to SF sooner, but at the end of May my sister is moving with her husband and two children to Germany. They’ll spend their last few state-side days in Oklahoma, and I want to see them before they head off.

I reach three startling conclusions each time I move. First, the box is the single greatest achievement of mankind (perhaps of the universe). Let’s put it this way: you can do anything with, in, or on a box. It might be an inherent property of prepositional phrases, but it might be that the box is that fantastic. Boxes are so incredible, I suggest that the word box replace the word orgasm. Geeks would rejoice, because the term multi-boxing would take on new meanings. And moving-to-a-new-place related sentences will be more fun: “The liquor store said we can take all the boxes we needed,” “My room has a lot of boxes in it,” or “Wow, a box in a box.”

Second, bookends are the greatest failure of mankind. We can put a man on the moon; we can put a man in a box on the moon; he can have a box in that box; but we can’t produce a bookend that works without a giant dictionary being placed on it. The second you touch a bookshelf, every book falls in to disarray. The results of moving a shelved book are so disastrous that I’m almost led to believe that the damage in Myanmar (Burma) resulted from a bookend catastrophe rather than from a cyclone.

Third, I own too much. I’m hoping that I can take this opportunity to reduce the number of materials good I own. Ideally, I’d like to be able to fit all of my belongings (except for oil paintings) in to the back of a small sized car. In a perfect world, I’d own a Mac Book Pro, an iPod, three boxes of books, an X-Box 360, and a few boxes of clothing.

On to serious business, a few weeks ago I played Scattegories with a group of friends. Nothing creates life long feuds between couples and friends like a friendly game based on personal subjectivity mixed with an individuals creativity for semantics. Here are two suggestion of mine that got vetoed.

Letter: B
Item: Things on a Map
My Suggestion: Bottom - Every map has a bottom.

Letter: F
Item: Villian/Monster
My Suggestion: Fictictious - this is the weaker of the two, but none of my opponents even offered a word.

On a side note, a friend once played the greatest Scattegories word ever.
Letter: K
Item: Things that are black.
Suggestion: Kenan and Kel. - double points!

Great moments in chat history…

Me: “What’s going on with you lately?”
Michael: “Not much. Staying busy. You know the drill. Trying to juggle three separate group projects that are due in the next week so that’s going to be exciting.”
Me: “Good thing you have a wife, because you probably won’t have time to play with yourself, but she might.”
Michael: “Lol. That’s one of the stranger things I’ve heard today.”

Me: “AFK”
Laura: “Gamer.” (She said this because she feels only video game players say ‘afk’.)
Me: “Check out this.”
Laura: “Go here.”
Laura: “I like that kitty.”
Me: “I fell for that damn it. I’m going to Rick Roll you at our wedding.”
Laura: “How? And now the groom would like to recite this YouTube link and now the exchanging of online pranks.”
Me: “No - the song is going to start playing or I’ll read it in my vows.”
Laura: “The bride has sent the groom to goat dot cx while the groom has rick rolled the bride.”
Me: “LMAO”

The fact that my girl is fluent in internet babble and pop-culture makes me proud. How many girlfriends know about Goatcx?