For numerous reasons, including her humor, Anna is an important friend of mine.

Alright, here are the videos from my last two open-mic nights.

Watch This One – Last Wednesday’s performance:
Things you need to know – I’m still trying to find my balance between edgy and absurd. Also, my shirt has a picture of a microphone on it.

This one I find Painful – Last Thurday’s Performance:
The crowd was small and ridiculously good looking. I’m serious, every girl was like a 9 out of 10, and every guy there looked like he could date a 9 girl. I should have just riffed with the crowd because they didn’t like edgy stuff, so I lost them right after the VH1 joke. And I had just thought of the vegetarian bit at the end about 5 minutes before going on stage. I had no clue where I was going with it.

Test

I’ve seen a lot of movies recently, and the funniest moment came in the credits of perhaps the saddest film: Milk.

You probably expected to see “The Reader” listed there rather than a movie named after the delicious drink our nation dunks Oreo cookies in, that kittens love, that moon cars and UFOs use as fuel, and that we turn in to the miracle known as ice cream. (UFOs and moon cars run on dreams and ice cream.)

Not to take a dump on holocaust films, but I’d like to get this out of the way: I’m sick of movies about the holocaust. First, we’re all aware of the atrocities that took place. Second, they always nominate holocaust movies for the Oscars, even when the movies are bad. Here is a secret: I think the movie “The Pianist” sucked. Interesting, yes. Good, no. That is why I’m not going to see “The Reader” any time soon.

The movie Milk is about Harvey Milk, who was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors in 1977. He was the first openly gay man in American history to be voted in to public office. He was a good man and a excellent politician. Sadly, he and the mayor were murdered by Dan White, another member of the Board.

The murder is famous because of its pointlessness and the loss of 2 good men.
The trial is famous because of White’s defense, which is now known as the “Twinkie Defense”. His lawyer successfully argued that White had not committed pre-meditated murder, because White was high on sugar. Yea, I’m not joking. You can look it up on Wikipedia. But that isnt the funny thing.

Obvsiously, the entire movie pivots around the homosexual community in San Francisco. Almost every character in the movie is homosexual.

And I kid you not, the following line is in the credits….

“Gay Man … John IWasLaughingToHardToRememberHisName”

I about fell over lauging in the theater when I saw that scroll by. I can just hear the conversation…

Fred: “I hear you’re an actor. Have I seen you in anything?”
John: “I was in the Oscar-nominated movie `Milk’.”
F: “Wow. Congratulations on that. Who did you play?”
J: “I played the gay man.”
F: “Isn’t there more than one?”
J: “Yea, but I’m in the credits as the gay one.”
F: “So there is just one line of credits?”
J: “No, there were a lot of characters in the movie.”
F: “Did you play all of them, like Eddie Murphy does in his movies?”

This is the only problem with owning a Sunni couch.